Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride

This last week has been a roller coaster ride. On Wednesday I had a great run, going 1.92 miles on the treadmill. My friend Jazz & I also had a pretty productive day in the studio in preparation for a show this past weekend. I dropped her off at a bus stop so she could go up to Salt Lake to meet with her hubby, and started to pull toward the yield when... CRUNCH. I T'd another car in the rear door. My brand new car was scratched, and I had an accident on my record now. I've only had one speeding ticket in the 10 years I've been driving, now this. I don't know if I didn't see him or if he didn't see me, but there you have it. I was pretty upset. Luckily nobody was hurt. In fact, Grace kind of looked at me like "why are we stopping, mom?"
Our insurance was great and dealt with everything. I was pleased with the way they handled it. We were only out $250 for repairs, insurance picked up the rest (which included a displaced headlight and rearranging the inside of the fender)

After dinner we went to Coney's Frozen Custard to try their new chocolate raspberry creme flavor. Andy chose brownies to mix in. It was really good. I was still sad, but chocolate makes almost anything better.

Then I had Andy drop me off at primary presidency meeting. I told them about the accident, and just wanted the spirit to come and quiet my soul. I was just about "there" during a very good object lesson. The object lesson was about fitting our calling into our daily lives. We wrote responsibilities on clear decorative stones (Grace, Andy, cook, clean, etc), and placed them in a large baby food jar. After that you add colored pebbles that represent life's little surprises (car accidents, unforseen bills, etc). Then we had this larger rock, which represented our church callings, that we also had to fit in. It didn't fit in on top. So we dumped our stuff out, put the rock in first, and then put the rest of it back in the jar. To make it count, you had to close the lid on the jar. Mine fit fine. Object lesson achieved: put your calling first. One of the counselors was struggling to get all of hers in, so I offered to help. I was just starting to close the lid when KABOOSH! The jar 'sploded and sliced my hands. I got a pretty deep gash in the crook of my left thumb, and a bad cut across the pad of my other. Other parts of my hands and fingers were also banged up. One of the counselors called my hubby to tell him the news. All I heard on the other end was "No, we're not kidding". Like how accident prone can this woman be in one day?! I was taken home where hubby rushed me to urgent care. The counselor who took me home stayed at our place since Grace was already in bed. I got Frankenstein stitches in my life hand (which, and I know this is dumb, are a blow to my self image. I feel ugly whenever I look at them), and 2 or 3 stitches in the pad of my other thumb. It was not fun.
Then the next day my mom called to tell me she has to euthanize our amazing dog. They found a tumor the size of a football and operating would only give her two or three months of extra life. So now not only was I physically broken, but heart broken too. Between those two, I started to have shock symptoms (nausea, chills, kind of out of it) and crashed on the couch the rest of the night. Slept soundly for 4 hours, then went to bed and slept more.

One thing about really bad things is that they only seem to come in threes. Friday morning I woke up feeling pretty glum and did my weekly weigh in. I came in at 199.8. I had officially left Twoterville and entered Onederland. I smiled and thought "Alright." It was like Mr. Sun was peeking his little head out of the clouds for a minute. The weekend got better with many top three finishes in the classes at the model horse show I went to, and I had good company driving there with two fellow friends/hobbiests.

Tuesday night we went shopping and hubby let me get two new pairs of shorts and a new shirt. I've been feeling like a house in my shirts that no longer fit, and my size 16 shorts were starting to slide around a little bit. Despite my hands killing me as I tried to do the button, I now fit comfortably into a size 14! I do not recall ever being a size 14 as a teenager or adult. I remember being in 8th grade swim class. In the locker room, I could hear the girls wish they were more filled out in certain places like I was, while I desperately wished my size 16 pants were size 10-12 like a normal 14 year old.
I know vanity sizing has gotten worse in the last decade, and my size 14s are probably really 16s (or would have been 10 years ago), I'll take em!

This morning I weighed in at 198.2-- .2 away from 50 lost. The only number in my head now is 185... no longer obese.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Road Blocks Suck

It's been a frustrating week. It started out fine, but the last few days have just been trying. Wednesday I woke up with really sore shins, which lasted Thursday as well. I have a history of not getting along with Airwalk shoes, and those are what I wore on therapy day (where my brother in law goes to therapy & I walk laps around the mall, it's therapy for both of us!), doing even more walking after the mall (Andy needed to go up to Weber State University to get a student ID card). I'm pretty sure that's what did my shins in. I will be whining continuously at hubby for new shoes. One friend had the brilliant idea of retiring one's running shoes for regular wear and breaking in a new pair, which is what I might do.

Oh and lame excuse #2, Grace is just getting over being sick for a whole 2 weeks, so her being sick kept me home from gym, too, since I didn't have anyone to really watch her.

Friday I ended up in SLC. Hubby has been remodeling the bathroom, so we are without a shower until it's done. Thus, I drive Grace & I to SLC to hubby's work every few days to get a hot shower. In the midst of all this, I've also been struggling with food issues. I just don't want it. My mentality is better today, but now I don't want dinner even though it's our fabulous homemade pizza (half the calories and sodium & tastes just like chain!)

So today while hubby continued to lay tile in our bathroom, I told him I was off to the gym to get my mojo back, and would be in no hurry to get home. Please take care of our little person when she gets up from her nap which I just wrestled her into (and not in a fun way).

I figured I would just put in a light maintenance run, but my body is getting stronger, and just can't handle 4 mph anymore. It's painfully slow (literally). I'm maintaining an average of 4.5 now, with a couple of minutes here and there at 5 or faster.

After I got my run in, I hit the stationary bike and put in 10.8 miles in 30 mins. In all, I torched 606 calories. Been a while since I blew past the 500 mark.

Really frustrated with my virtually non-existent weight loss this last week (less than a pound, so angry), but certain road blocks will be out of my way next week.

Suggested to hubby that we go for walk on Sunday so I can get a head start on my miles for the week.

Sunday is Easter. Today I took Grace to an Easter Egg hunt. We got there early to secure our spot. I was hoping with the weather, and conference, nobody would show up. There was still a tremendous turn out. We stood in the freezing wind for almost 1/2 hour. We were 2 ft away from the eggs, patiently waiting on the concrete. You can imagine how upset I was when The people in charge shouted "go" and the eggs were GONE! I had to climb over eggs with Grace just to get 2. We were so lucky we got any at all. *sigh*, at least we lucked out and got one with a prize ticket inside. Grace made off with some sidewalk chalk-- one of her favorite things.

Anyway, that's all


Thursday, April 1, 2010

Food is Gross

Have you ever stopped to think about how gross food really is? It goes into our bodies... we turn it into mush, and then our bodies liquify it with acid in a process not unlike resomation. Then it travels through this slimy, two mile tube, where it's compacted with more acid, gasses, and deadly substances and comes out as poop. Hope you weren't eating anything while reading that. That kind of visual tends to impair an appetite.

Speaking of impaired appetite, I've really been struggling with food lately. Not for the above reason, but I just have no appetite. My body is hungry, but my brain is convinced that everything is disgusting. It's 3 pm, and half of the food on my MFP food diary has come off. I haven't had lunch, my morning snack, or my afternoon snack. I've also had no water today yet. I don't know why I'm struggling with this lately. It usually doesn't come on till summer. For me, it's normal to experience loss of appetite in summer. I don't do well in heat, and heat dampers anything I desire to do. Including eat.
Nothing sounds good. Everything is gross.

How do you go from 250 lbs and eating everything in sight, to 200 lbs and everything is gross? More importantly, how do you fix it?