Sunday, March 30, 2008

The Veil is Thin

Dear Grace,

Friday night Daddy finally felt you kick. I wish you could've seen the expression on his face. He might not know it, but I saw him light up for a brief instant. I hope you can always make him that happy. Maybe now that you've had a proper introduction, you'll kick a bit more for him. We've been trying for weeks to get you to do it. I've even been mean enough to say you'd never make it in theatre if you were so shy. Sometimes when I say or think something, you'll punctuate it with a kick, often in agreement. I guess it will be a lesson in patience for me. I must learn that you will do things when you're good and ready, and must not be rushed. Great things come to those who wait.

It is times like this that I stop to think how thin the veil is between Heaven and Earth. Many don't realize this. On days when I am quiet and introspective, I can almost feel it. Sometimes I wonder if your little spirit floats back and forth between here & Heaven. It is so profound to think that you will have just left Heavenly Father's arms when you arrive this summer. I can feel you kicking right now as I write this and think about it. I must tell you that I am so humbled that you chose me of all people to guide you through this life. You must see in me something that I don't. I only hope I can rise to the occasion, and not let you down.

Tomorrow we have another ultrasound. I can't wait to see you again.

Love, Mom

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


As you can see, I FINALLY got a 5 month bump shot up. Which is great, because I'll be 6 months in a week or two, lol. Hubby made a big push last night & did lots of chores I'd been asking him to do for a couple of weeks, including taking my picture. Good hubby! *pat, pat*
As you can also see, I look like a giant moo-cow. Honestly, I swear I'm not this huge in person. You can hardly tell in person... but all of a sudden I lift up my shirt & HELLOOOOO MAMA! It's not just "Dude." But "DUUUUUUUDE!"
So, yeah, I jokingly whine that I'm a giant moo-cow. I will probably only get more giant as the months wear on.

In the last week or so, I've contemplated what to write about next. I have some ideas that I'll post today. First of all, however, I want to tell you about the dream I had last night. It's a simple one. I saw my Gracie again. I held her in my arms this time & stared into her blue eyes. They were the same shade as her Dad's. She wasn't very old, and I remember thinking she came very early (but she was ready!). My Mom was in town too, and we all went to church. It was my first time back at church, I think. My Mom was criticizing the way I was holding the baby, lol. I think she was more paranoid about Grace being fragile than I was. "Ah! You can't hold her like THAT!"
So what if I was still kinda green at the whole holding the baby thing? The important thing was that I was holding her & for the first time I didn't really care about what my mother said or thought, especially about my parenting skills.
In addition to the blue eyes, Grace again had the cutest chubbiest cheeks I'd ever seen. They were kinda droopy even, with a slight rosy tinge like mine. Her hair was blonde with a darker brownish tint on top. Definitely Daddy's girl ;)
She looked up at me with an expression of quiet wonder. I was in love.
Again, I think I will cling to this image for a long time.

So now that we're all full of lovey dovey warm squishies, let us address some of the thoughts I've had since the last post.

The Top 10 Pros & Cons of Pregnancy (in no particular order)

1) Almost everyone is nice to you.
2) You have new excuses to eat what you want, when you want & no one thinks it's weird.
3) You find yourself falling in love with your partner all over again.
4) You have new, wonderful excuses to go shopping!
5) The fact that there will be a new person in your life to love forever can be exciting and joyful.

1) Sleep becomes increasingly more difficult.
2) You can't remember a @&*$ thing anymore.
3) You become butterless butterfingers. Everything seems to drop out of your hands by mistake at the worst possible time & make a mess of and by itself.
4) You start leaking in places you weren't formerly aware really existed.
5) The fact that there will be another person in your life who is entirely dependent on you can be terrifying and surreal.

Okay, so that's only 5 each... but that equals 10! Down the road I'll do more as I think of them. I'm sure "Everyone thinks you're Buddha-- Rub ma belly!" will be on there somewhere. It's yet to happen (again, because I'm not really showing), but it's bound to at some point.

Anyway, I have an ultrasound next week which I'm excited for. It will be great seeing how much the baby's grown. I'm sure she's plotting unique ways to amuse us right now.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Dear Mini Gersch'...

Dear Mini Gersch',

Daddy & I have decided to name you Grace Anne Gerschler. Anne with an E because, according to one of my favorite literary heroines, Anne of Green Gables, "It is more distinguished". My middle name is Ann, and I sometimes call daddy An as a love name. I originally wanted your middle name to be Evelyn, after my mother's mother, but Daddy thought Anne sounded nicer. The middle names of Isabelle and Rhapsody also came up. Isabelle was my father's mother's middle name, and Rhapsody is just a fun name altogether.

Today I saw the doctor for a checkup. You were kicking a LOT! You seem to have settled down for now, but you were kicking and squirming for a good hour or two. The doctor measured my belly and said you're a wonderful, normal sized baby. You'll also be pleased to know that I've only put on 16 pounds in these 5 months. I was afraid I'd gain weight too quickly, especially after all that Taco Bell you made me crave, but you've managed to keep it in check. Good girl!
Meanwhile, my sugar's been a bit elevated lately. I'm sorry about that. I'm not sure if it's from the insulin resistance Clarene & I talked about, or if it's the disagreements I've been having with your Nana. I hate arguing with her, and over silly things at that, but I get tired of her nitpicking and being pushy. She's a great person, really, and she'll love you to pieces I'm sure, but butting heads with her is no fun. Word of advice, Gracie, don't get on Nana's bad side. Nana is scary when she's angry.

Speaking of Nana, her side of the family is full of a bunch of crazy, loud Irish people. They are a lot of fun. Daddy says he's going to do everything he can in order for you to meet them at Christmas. I thought I'd mention this since today is St. Patricks, and I'm proud to be of Irish descent. Tonight we're going to have bangers and champ (sausages & potatoes). I know corned beef is a little more traditional, but I don't care for it much. Maybe I should get some martinellis too, just for fun.

Anyway, two more weeks until we get to see you again. I can't wait to see how you've grown.

Love, Mom

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

A Letter to My Daughter

Dear Mini Gerschler,

There's only 17 weeks left until you arrive. Daddy & I are very excited. Of all the things we've had to overcome, no one told me that all this waiting would be the hardest.
When I was 16, I was diagnosed with a birth defect in my ovaries and told that I would have a hard time conceiving when the time came. Six years later, I was diagnosed with diabetes, and the promise that it would bring complications and possible deformities in my children. I've worked hard and long on getting my sugar under control, and when the doctor gave Daddy & I clearance to start trying for our family, we never suspected we'd get pregnant so fast. After being told for many years how difficult it would be, imagine my surprise to find out two months after the go ahead that you were coming. Our delight continues to grow every time we see you on ultrasound, the doctors say you are perfect and right on target for a normal, healthy birth weight.
I don't know if you know this, but Daddy & I think you are very funny. You wave at us every time we peek in on you, and you always do something to make us laugh. The day we found out you were a girl, you decided to play peekaboo with the technician. I wonder if you will recognize this game when you are finally here in the outside world.
I want you to know that Daddy & I both love you already, and that you will come into a safe and nurturing home. We are not perfect, but I promise to do my best to guide you and stand as a beacon for you, so that you will always have a standard to live by. I have such hopes for you, and certain expectations too. I want you to have the same priveledges I had while growing up-- to be able to travel and be cultured in the arts. Daddy works very hard so that you will be able to enjoy these luxuries when you are a little older.
Everyone's very excited that you're coming. Keep up your hard work, little one.

Love, Mom

Monday, March 3, 2008

What I've Done

It's a short, mundane post, but I wanted to write down what I've done this morning, so that I can feel that I accomplished something today, rather than sitting on my tuckus and staring at the computer screen.
Today I scrubbed the toilets, wiped down the counters, emptied & started reloading the dishwasher, scrubbed the microwave, made the bed, and folded laundry.
Wow, suddenly I feel like I accomplished LESS than I actually did. I'd like to vacuum, dust, put out the trash, and sweep & mop the kitchen, if I still have energy. Oh, and I need to get some work done in the studio too. I keep meaning to, but I get distracted by all these chores. I also need to eat lunch. Cheeseburgers done up on the George Foreman Grill sounded good, but we don't have any hamburger patties. Harumph.

Andy started his new job today. He's been sick the last few days, and I'm worried about him. He's such a champ to work so hard for our little family. I admire him so much.

On a baby note, I had another dream about the baby. I dreamt I saw pictures of her when she was only a few hours old. She had Andy's dark blonde hair, and the tubbiest little cheeks. The picture was very, very clear. I will hold it in my mind with a fierceness until she is really here.