Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Mental Health Check

First of all, there was some skinny chic skulking around my daughter's birthday party in my favorite shirt!

and the Kai Lan cupcake cake we got her was awesome, both visually and deliciously!

They were held together, both top and bottom, with frosting. I ate most of the stuff on the bottom, and had an epic tummy ache. It was awesome!

Now it is a known fact that my brain doesn't think in a straight line. Most people will start a conversation about toast, and what they like on it, and I will pipe in with some random thing that, in my head, totally relates to toast. Everyone will look at me with blank stares as if I just spoke in Klingon. The problem is my brain goes at light speed, and the rest of me can never keep up. Even when I write, my mind is already several paragraphs ahead, despite my impressive 90 wpm typing speed. Even when I speak, my words come out like sludge and sometimes stuttering jargon that frustrates me. Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who totally gets me and a kid who loves me just as much a new puppy.
The thing is everything I just told you has nothing to do with the first 2 paragraphs, but does have to do with my daily mental health.
The fact that my brain goes so fast is both a blessing and a curse. It enables me to reel off novels and pedigrees of superhuman racehorses, memorize 5 minute-long monologues for auditions in less than an 45 mins, and give great talks at church on the fly, but I can't seem to communicate when I talk face to face with someone. It's painful when I try, unless I'm totally calm and comfortable with the person I'm speaking to, which is rare. Normally, when I know you kinda sorta "get" me, I'm more relaxed and make more sense. Otherwise, I speak in Klingon.

Now what I'm going to tell you totally relates to the previous paragraph in my head, but you probably won't see the connection.

My favorite Disney princess is Belle. Ever since I was a fat, little 10 year old, I secretly dreamed of being her. She was smart, beautiful, and independent-- everything I was not. Everything I still think I'm not, especially the last two. Although a week on the single mom scene while hubby, Andy, was away for work helped with the independence thing a little.
Anyway, last night I dreamed I was at my goal weight. Hubby & I were at a very fancy winter ball, and I totally looked like Belle. I woke up happy, but with that feeling you sometimes get that you shouldn't dare to hope it. Years ago I dreamed I was super skinny and looked a little bit like Peter Pan (another childhood hero). That one was fun, too, but the Belle dream sort of reignites in me the desire to keep working toward my goals. I remember thinking in my dream "Wow. Wait till Andy sees me."

Although, in all consideration, I should be proud of me now. I just wish I could accept compliments better. Tomorrow night we see our bishop, and I'll ask him for a referral for a LDS Family mental health person. Maybe I can become that girl I saw in my dream. I thought losing all this weight would help me feel better about myself. Honestly it does, a little, but not much.

Lastly, just when I thought no one was reading, my blog won an award for health & fitness. I'm honored that there are people out there whose lives I can touch and help them realize they are priceless in the eyes of God. That they are worth the effort of getting healthy and realizing their infinite potential. And if this blog is helping to do that, why stop at just one award? I've nominated it for the blogger's choice awards in four categories, too. So if any of the posts in this blog have ever touched you in some way, please vote for it by clicking either of the buttons on the upper right.

If you need a little more inspiration, the chubby white Kenyan here ran a 1 min interval on 8 today. It was kind of like being on a roller coaster. You know that part where you're screaming, kinda sorta wanna puke, and not quite sure if you're gonna live? Yeah, total adrenaline rush! You should try it some time. It's a real thriller.

I discovered recently I can also move more than 11 tons in an hour in the weight room. I think that's pretty cool, too.

Keep fighting your own dragons, cuz every magnificent hero must slay them in order to get from Once Upon a Time... to Happily Ever After. Even Belle did ;)


Anonymous said...

YOU still shine thru, trish! congrats on ALL you have accomplished. and having someone to talk to will be good. you'll make new "tapes" to play in your head to squash those old/inadequate/incorrect ones. great new pics too!