Wednesday, January 23, 2008


I know it's been a long time between posts. Not a whole lot exciting has been happening as far as the baby's concerned. I know I'm supposed to be feeling kicking, but haven't felt anything near what's described by every mom and every pregnancy website.
"Oh, you'll feel butterflies, or bubbles..." Uh-huh. All I've had are things that feel more like muscle twitches than anything else. Maybe it's the baby, but as a first-timer, I'm pretty clueless. I keep waiting for butterflies or bubbles, but I just get these muscle twitches, about the same time in the evening. I will be sure to tell Dr. Broberg about it, who we see next week... if we can still afford to.
You see, hubby may be losing his job through no fault of his own. The fridiot that is the main investor of the company is going broke. He was in the middle of a sale to another company, but he backed out. Now he can't even afford to pay his employees, and there are some in his company who haven't gotten paid AT ALL this month. I told Andy that if he gets another paycheck, take the money and RUN. Find a better job. One that will pay him what he's worth, give us better benefits, and help us toward our financial goals in life (out of debt, new house, car, etc).
In about an hour or so, the fridiot will gather his company together to tell them whether or not he's going to pay them. He's been sitting on a water deal that keeps falling through. So if it goes through today, he'll be able to do another two months of pay rolls at best.
Needless to say, I am upset over all of this, and have been trying to move the horses I paint to help bring in money. Worse case scenario: sell the collection. It's not much, but it'll pay my bills, and help hubby out.
So, yeah, I'm really worried that we won't be able to see my doctors because of the job in question. Hubby loses job: we lose our health insurance. Oh, snap. If only I could express to you how hard it was for me, emotionally, to take a step towards finding Clarene in the first place. For two years I let my diabetes go out of control, because I did not want to see a new doctor, because it was not "my" doctor. Now to think I would have to face that all again (losing a really great doctor, that is), makes my stomach churn. No doubt I would find one, of course, the baby's health is more important than my own, but still. The butterflies I feel right now are definitely not the baby kicking.
And back to the baby...
Can everyone please stop asking "So do you know what you're having yet?". It's driving me bananas. I get asked it every day, sometimes multiple times. I never expected something so exciting to get on my nerves so quickly.
To answer your question in brief: Yes, I know what I'm having. A baby.
We find out the gender on Valentines... that is if we still have a job and insurance. Mom has already purchased her plane ticket to come out for the ultrasound, which makes me even antsier. This was supposed to be a very special and exciting time in my life, and Mom coming out to spend time with her only baby, and find out the gender of her only baby's first baby, was going to be icing on the chocolate cake. Instead, I feel like morning sickness is catching up with me because of all the bull-puckey going down at hubby's work.
I could continue venting and raving on like this, but I'm sure it's not going to do anyone (especially myself) any good. I will post again on Monday for sure and let you know whether or not we were able to see the OB.

Heart Sick till next time,
The Pregnant Diabetic