Monday, June 30, 2008

Hurry Up & Wait

You've seen them before on the freeway and around town. That exciting, sporty red convertible racing by... they're in a hurry to get nowhere fast. Behind the wheel is the "Hurry Up & Wait" guy.
I spent the weekend in a funk because of this. Not from being passed by a sporty car I can't have, but a similar concept. I know it's silly to get all huffy over something so petty, but I couldn't help but feel really down.
You see, I have had repeated dreams where I went into labor the weekend of June 28. It was a warm June night, and so intensely vivid. My water broke and we rushed home to grab the hospital bag that we had not yet thrown together. I was very calm in the dream, but hubby was running around like a headless chicken. I found it highly amusing.
I believe the good Lord has endowed me with the gift of dreams & visions. I have had similar dreams of other people, things that happen in their lives. The dreams bear truth when they are vivid and intense, and are rarely wrong.
So you can imagine my disappointment when June 28 comes and goes and I still have no baby to run to for a 2 AM feeding & changing.
I know you must know the feeling. It's happened to all of us, I'm sure. Your parent tells you that you're going to do something very exciting together on a certain day. Naturally you get worked up and look forward to it for months. Then the day comes, and your parent says "Sorry, scout, some other time."
Then you feel betrayed, very sad, and angry.
So I spent Sunday pouting at my Heavenly Father, asking him why he would show me such a dream if it was not going to happen. I prayed for answers, feeling so very hurt. I had been so excited that I was having a dream for myself for once, instead of being a vassal to others. The answer was clear and blatant throughout church:
Humble thyself and submit as a little child submits to her father. Be patient.
But it's hard to be patient when you're terrified of the alternative. It's ridiculous but I'm developing a deep fear of being induced, from all the terrible things I hear about pitocin. I don't want hard, painful contractions that don't give you time to breathe in between each one. I want the natural ones my body creates & instinctively knows how to cope with.
Ever since we finished the nursery, every little ache & twinge gets us squirrely. Hubby was all worked up Saturday morning when I woke up with lower back pain, in addition to light cramping, stronger contractions, and loss of appetite. I told him to calm down. He's sleeping in my crater, and I'm breaking in a new one, ever since we switched sides of the bed. It's not uncommon to get a little back ache when sleeping in a new spot. You've probably experienced similar when sleeping in a hotel bed while on vacation.
So why did I have that dream over & over? We had nothing ready when the birth happened in them. Hubby said it was a message from the Lord to get ready.
A message to hurry up & wait.


~Jenn Danza~ said...

Wow, only 3 more days to go!! How very exciting!!!
I'm so excited for you! I hope you keep the blog running after Grace arrives.

Don't fret about anything. Even if you are faced with the worst our Lord only gives us exactly what we can handle. And being induced isn't so bad. The epidural really does help, but if you didn't want it, the pain is manageable God gave the pain to women cause we can handle it.

I had the inducement, the pain and the dreaded c-section. All was well and 1000% worth it for the end result. :)
Good luck to you and your hubby!!


Amy Reeder said...

It looks like you guys had way to much fun getting everything ready for the baby! And when it was all done it looked so cute but I can't see the last little bit of picutres though. Bummer but what I saw too cute! Well I hope to hear from you soon!

ekimatuan said...

Update.... must have update.... and pictures. Lots of pictures. And maybe a pony if you are just out there granting wishes and all....

sacrifice said...

I wonder if you are updated about new comments. I am newly pregnant and diabetic and stumbled upon your blog. I have LOADS of questions for you but wonder if you are even available now for email or gchat. At anyrate, hopefully if you are you can respond here in your comments. I am reading your blog from beginning to current so I can catch up - maybe my questions will be answered in one of your posts. At anyrate, I am enjoying reading about your journey thus far!