Tuesday, July 12, 2011

The Game Plan

Okay, sorry for yesterday's rant. Andy & I talked about how I felt when we went to bed. He's going to help me crack down on my diet, and we have some rules in place.

First of all, trigger foods are now out of the house. So that will help. Whole 30 is too strict, but I still want to crack down on my diet. We laid out some goals. Maybe I should call it Primal 30, even though I want it to last longer than that.

1) bacon allowed
2) pancakes once a month, if I feel so inclined
3) homemade ice cream once a month (last week I made 4 quarts. BAD IDEA)
4) no baking (except when I go visiting teaching. They will reap the goods, Andy & Grace will get any sparse leftovers)
5) 1 square of dark chocolate per week
6) limit fruit to 1/2c a week (I have a serious berry addiction. It's ridiculous, and not helping my blood sugar I'm sure)

I think my episode yesterday was triggered by crappy food. I asked him to help keep me in line. We're going to start grocery shopping together again so I don't splurge on unnecessary stuff.

Sorry if I scared any of my friends. I'm pretty sure I had manic bipolar depression as a teenager, but was never officially diagnosed or treated.

On another note, Andy suggested that Satan is trying to drive us away from our goals. If he's trying this hard, our future kids must be wicked bad ass kung fu warriors of awesomeness, and he REALLY doesn't want to have to deal with them. Something to think about.

Also wanted to reiterate how awesome my sweet little Grace is. Last night when I just wanted to be left alone, Andy came into the room and of course Grace followed right behind since she's a total daddy minion. One thing you should understand about the daddy minion is she's a "Monkey see, monkey do". So there I was feeling pretty numb and glumb and Andy sits on the edge of the bed. Grace pulls herself up and sits near me. Andy starts rubbing my leg, Grace rubs mommy's leg too. Andy hugs, Grace hugs. "Mommy sad?"
By this time tears are starting to stream down my cheeks as I look into Grace's beautiful little face. I nod.
"Awww," says Grace sympathetically, then touches the tip of my nose. "Moo."
Thanks, sunshine.


Jennifer L. said...

Sorry to hear things are going so rough with the glucose monitoring. There is some odd thing about glucose when it gets out of whack is that we crave and binge on all kinds of "forbidden" foods when we get near them; unless our diets are satisfactory to us. It sounds like you're not quite content with your diet, or that it's feeling too restrictive or something. I definitely can empathize!

I haven't read your whole blog, but I've been following it for a while since I've been pregnant and have gestational diabetes for the second time around. Fortunately, mine is more like an inability to drink their juice and pass the test type vs. off the wall glucose levels on a daily basis, so I might not know what I am talking about.

One thing I've discovered in my dietary experiments is that I do not do well without any grains. I can limit them and feel well, but being pregnant and nursing, I cannot manage to feel sane without some bulk to my diet. I allow some buckwheat (whole groats), millet and quinoa (only occasionally). My glucose levels seem fine with a small portion (about 1/4 c. uncooked or less) 2-3 times a day. I also eat lots and lots of veggies. Lots. I fill half the plate with veggies, about 1/4 with protein (generally poultry or fish), and the last bit with some starch (1/4 yam, a bit of grain...).

For snacks, I'll eat goat yogurt with like a Tbs of blueberries and almonds, celery with pumpkin seed butter, cherry tomatoes solo...not too exciting.

Today I ate like five servings of avocado-date-chocolate pudding. Hmm. Perhaps not. Maybe I'll run to the library and back--at least I don't need to check until after dinner--at which point it will hopefully be back down to somewhere in a reasonable range.

I also hate it, but I have to exercise. Have to. Fortunately I can take my daughter to the gym with me and they have childcare there while I do a class. She loves it, and it's good for me.

Jennifer L. said...

Oh, have you tried almond flour pancakes at Elana's pantry? I order almond flour from the company she recommends (Honeyville) and it's great. I generally use less honey, but often my 1 hour post-breakfast reading is lower than my fasting level (73-86 mg/dL). I find that kind of odd. Nothing like eating 5 pancakes and coming out lower than the fasting...hmm. I wonder about that machine sometimes.

I definitely cry about glucose levels to my family too. My daughter is always asking, "What's it up to now mommy? Are you going to cry?" It'll be something tame like 86 mg/dL. Not quite crying territory!

I wish there was a nice book that just said, "Eat this and your glucose levels will be fine!" I guess there are some guidelines. Do you check the glycemic index of foods often? Berries aren't too high--as long as you don't eat like 20 of them.

As far as weight gain, add more fresh veggies to the plates (fill up on salad (with some kind of apple cider vinaigrette or lemon/olive oil vinaigrette) rather than cooked veggies and other stuff. Drink lots of water. Think vegan meets paleo and make 3/4 of the plate vegan and the other portion a serving of protein. Drink lots of water. Lots.

Biotin deficiency can lead to weird glucose levels too--it's common during pregnancy and after.

Good luck! It sounds like you have a great family for support. Hang in there. It's tough to eat differently when everyone around us just seems to be able to eat whatever. I often get tempted to check glucose levels of folks around me after I see them eat a doughnut or some other thing I wouldn't even dream of eating on a bad day. Yeah, I can't imagine everyone out there is running around with perfect glucose levels--they just don't know how whacked they can be! We just feel different because we're forced to check all the time and keep it under control. Others would freak out too! If only it weren't for that memory in that little machine I'd certainly be testing everyone I know :-).

Sorry this turned out to be so long!

Amanda said...

This made me cry.

I hardly know you but I feel like I love you. I don't know what it is but there is some odd connection and I'm just not one to fight it.

as far as the rest-you are right. You have to watch the dangers in life. And it is QUITE POSSIBLE that satan or evil spirits of some kind are trying to deter you from being healthy. I don't think it is by happenstance that the world and media and FOOD is the way it is now... just sayin.

I love you my dear friend. I know that is odd and if it makes you uncomfortable I am sorry but I don't think it will. You are an amazing woman I just know it. Feel good! Be well! *hugs*

Bridgett Murphy said...

Please don't be too strict on yourself and definitely forgive yourself! I am recently recovered from BED (binge eating disorder), so I felt like that everyday... and I binged nearly every single day I had it (binging for me = 3000-6000 calories in 2-3hrs). It took me a long time to recover, but I did. I had to train myself to think about my feelings that made me to turn food. What could I do instead of eating? I finally realized that I would much rather FEEL miserable, actually FEEL and ACCEPT these negative feelings instead of trying to mask them and make it seem like I was "perfectly ok." Then I thought about what caused these feelings, and started tackling that too. I had to accept that I will never be as skinny as when I was anorexic, but I could accept it because I would rather not think about food 24/7, not have this awful relationship with food, and address the problems in my life instead of trying to ignore them. I hope the next days for you are much easier. Good luck and stay strong. :)