Overcoming The Fat Girl Mentality

This week, despite my fitness accomplishments, I must confess that I have been feeling, well... FAT. I haven't hesitated to let it be known either. Earlier this week I was complaining about the way my thighs squish out. Ever since I was about 10, and aware of my body and the way it looked, I've been at war with my ginormous thighs. I LOATHE them. I can live with a tummy, cankles, and back rolls, but apparently giant thighs are unacceptable to myself. I can see some definition in them, and recently measured them. 20". I looked up what the average female thigh was, expecting something much smaller.
Guess what.
I'm average.
The average thigh is 20".
So I measured my calf, trying to justify my fatness. 15".
The average female calf is 15".
WTF! This can't be right. I AM FAT!
The size 4 shorts I tried on last week beg to argue.
So I go and measure my body fat. My bathroom scale says I'm 36% BF. People always say how notoriously wrong bathroom scales are, so I plugged in some measurements online. They all averaged 26% BF.
For the first time in my life I'M AVERAGE.
Not only that, but I'm HEALTHY.

I was in the shower this morning and had an epiphany.
"OMG, I'm turning into one of those obnoxious skinny chicks who complain they're fat!"
I remember being 248 lbs, and dying inside whenever someone even remotely close to the weight I wanted to be would complain about their weight. I swore I'd never be like them, because, Dude, I'd kill to be you! I'm sure my old self would tell my new self that. But now, I've caught myself in a place where I was becoming the exact thing I swore never to become.
Apparently embracing a new self image is the hardest pill to swallow.
Off to church to shoot the fat, jealous devil on my shoulder ;)

Photo Update

So it occurred to me that I didn't post pictures of Easter or anything, so here's some updates.

EASTER EGG HUNT:

GRACE ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKED OVER HER APPLE JUICE ON THE CARPET IN THE EXACT SHAPE OF A DOLPHIN:

OUR BACK PORCH GARDEN:

Complete with watermelon, tomatoes, raspberries, golden berries, black berries (can ya tell I have a fruit addiction?), cucumbers, purple bell pepper (had to have it, never seen a purple bell pepper!), rosemary, thyme, and summer squash


KEY LIME PIE FOR A PARTY I HAD:

(It's so pretty! Hand-squeezed key limes over a coconut milk chocolate ganache bottom in an oreo pie crust, fresh key lime zest on top)


EPIC TODDLER LOVING ON HER BREYERS:

*Tease* YOU EAT GRAINS & GET FAT, I EAT FAT AND GET SKINNY-- "NEENER, NEENER!"

Thanks for playing along!

I Don't Eat Crap

As much as I'd like to tell you that "I don't eat crap", I confess that, in reality, I do. Now, I don't know why, but I feel compelled to tell you about the processed food in my house. Fresh veggies don't count, same with meat in the freezer. Here's a list:

homemade chipotle mayo (using safflower mayo & canned chipotles in adobo)
stoneground mustard
yellow mustard
miracle whip
salad dressing
bbq sauce
ketchup
ranch dressing
Fage Greek yogurt
cheese
lunch meat
chocolate
coconut flour
almond flour
arrowroot powder
tapioca pearls
popcorn
coconut oil
coconut cream concentrate
coconut butter
almond butter
coconut milk
100% unfiltered apple juice
Sauerkraut
Pickles
Cocoa powder
Carob powder
Olives
Tomato paste
applesauce
hemp protein powder

NON PROCESSED FOOD:
veggies
meat
eggs
chia seed


as you can see, I'm a little bit normal. I have more processed food in the house than unprocessed (like most Americans, LOL). You may notice standard kitchen food staples missing. Let's see if you can name them! Oh, and I only eat 20 of the foods on the list. Can you guess which ones they are?

In My Daughter's Eyes

Every time I hear the song "In My Daughter's Eyes", I well up with tears. As a tribute to moms, sisters, aunts, and daughter's everywhere this Mother's Day, I have created this photo blog post. Several of the photos are taken by my almost-three-year-old daughter. It's truly through her eyes.
Lyrics, of course, copyright of Martina McBride.

I have embedded the youtube video for your listening convenience.


P.S. I confess to blubbering through this entire creation process.



In my daughter's eyes I am a hero

I am strong and wise and I know no fear

But the truth is plain to see

She was sent to rescue me

I see who I wanna be

In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal

Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace

This miracle God gave to me

gives me strength when I am weak

I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger

Oh it puts a smile in my heart

Everything becomes a little clearer

I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough

It's giving more when you feel like giving up

I've seen the light

It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future

A reflection of who I am and what will be

Though she'll grow and someday leave

Maybe raise a family

When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me

For I'll be there

In my daughter's eyes

Until Later

I'm going to make a post today, and it's going to be awesome, but ATM I'm not feeling so awesome. Feeling kinda vertigo-y and blah. But it's important to me to post, because tomorrow I'm putting up a VERY special Mothers Day post that will remain up until Monday, so I need to blather on today so my thoughts are out of the way. Until later... stay tuned!

Better late than never.

So first thing I wanted to address was that my copy of Everyday Paleo by Sarah Fragoso arrived 2 days early yesterday. Needless to say I was SUPER excited, as I've been waiting nearly a month for it to ship. Now call it hormones or whatever you want, but the opening she did (especially about her Mom passing away, and Sarah's serendipitous encounter with the 2 people that would change her life at her mom's favorite charity event shortly after her passing) was compelling to say the least, and I found myself tearing up in places.
If you are not Paleo/Primal, GET THIS BOOK! If you are, GET THIS BOOK! As in stop reading right now, and go GET THIS BOOK! It is fantastic and touches on why we eat Paleo, how to be Paleo, and how to help a family transition. Aside from the delicious recipes that I can't wait to attack, she has the phenomenal addition of a shopping list for 1 month, as well as meals, and what to send to school with your kids for lunch, making Paleo living entirely accessible to ANYONE who just happens to pick up the book out of the blue (HINT, HINT). She also has a complete workout plan to help you get going.

Sarah Fragoso, you are one of my new superheroes-- right next to Xena, and my smokin, drinkin, swearin, drivin, bubble-gum blowin' grandma (yeah, she was bad @$$-- God rest her soul til I get up there!)

Some more from the book. Primal and Paleo are cousins, jic you didn't know. One of the things I liked about the book (in addition to the aforementioned) was her list for a well stocked pantry, and it inspired me to discuss with you what our own personal Primal pantry looks like.

Ready? Here's what we like to keep stocked:

MEAT (Meat is like the ultimate black dress-- it goes with EVERYTHING)
Coconut milk (I go through a can every 2-3 days)
Broths and stocks
Coconut in various and asundry forms including, but not limited to: coconut flour, coconut cream concentrate, coconut butter, coconut manna, coconut oil (IMPERATIVE!), chipped coconut, shredded coconut, etc
Almond flour
Almond butter (yum!)
Canned tuna fish (which reminds me-- I made some chipotle mayo on Sunday, time to whip out some tuna fish!)
Extra virgin olive oil (EVOO)
Eggs (3-5 dozen every 2 weeks)
BACON (...makes everything better-- I always buy uncured/chem-free)
Stone ground mustard
Soy-free mayo (have some safflower oil mayo in the fridge that I chipotle-fied)
ALL VEGGIES
Some fruit (mainly for Grace, but I confess to being a total fruit fiend. I really shouldn't buy it, cuz I binge harder on it than any store bought candy bar)
Butter

So, yeah, that's what I eat. Meat, veggies, fruit, spices, bacon, and a butt load of coconut milk. I keep Greek yogurt on hand for Grace, and she likes cheese too. Deli meat is also in the fridge. I try to avoid dried fruits and dairy. Both are delicious, and a little bit kryptonian ;)
Same with nuts. I go crazy on nuts, so it's just best to not have them in the house except when we're having a meal that includes them as an ingredient (Waldorf Salad, for example).

Now that we got that out of the way, I wanted to mention that my awesome 2yo enthusiastically knocked over my 30 oz mug of water on to my laptop (this is the 2nd time this year its happened, ARGH!), and destroyed said Everyday Paleo book about 5 mins after I got it. I was writing recipes on our calendar, and I turned my back for 2 seconds and she attacked it with pen. This morning I woke up with a mild case of vertigo (I have noticed they're getting more frequent, and I should probably bring it up with a doctor), and Aunt Flo (hence the mention earlier of "maybe I was just hormonal...")
Awesome.

Further thoughts. I have been thinking about how awesome my Grace is. Here's the top reasons she's epic:

• She asks me to sing All Star by Smashmouth to her for a lullabye... regularly
  
• She knew what "rock and roll" was at 2, and asks for it often
  
• She always asks me for dark chocolate, even when offered milk chocolate
  
• She can spot a horse a mile away faster than I can (and that's saying ALOT)
  
• She rides her Breyers and stuffed horses-- daily
  
• She loves pirates and cars/trains just as much as princesses and ponies
  
• She's beautiful just the way she is!
  

My Favorite Foods

Shamelessly on a W30 forbidden food binge still, but enjoying it. Getting it all out of my system. Thought I would post my favorite foods list:

FAVORITE FOODS:
pizza
frozen custard or talenti gelato
Popcornopolis
white chocolate peanut butter (God bless Peanut Butter & Co!)
CHOCOLATE!!

FAVORITE HEALTHY FOODS:
meat (including bacon, brisket, and steak)
Fage Total Greek yogurt
almond butter (maranatha & Justin's are my fave brands)
macadamia nuts
CHOCOLATE!! (the darker the better)

FAVORITE VEGETABLES (hey, they deserve their OWN list)
peas
sweet potato (but not the orange ones)
cucumber
red bell pepper
cherry tomatoes (yeah, yeah, I know "tomatoes are a fruit". Whatev.)

FAVORITE FRUITS (nature's candy bars)
blackberries
strawberries
raspberries
mangoes
kiwi

what have I been going crazy on? Mainly what's in my house. Good thing 90% of it's from the healthy list downward. I made a chocolate chia pudding that's tasty, snarfing down the homemade grahams Grace & I made with lots of almond butter & white chocolate pb, and chocolate. Yeah, that's about as naughty as I've been. I'M GONNA GET SO FAT! lol

Whole 30 Over!

I'm sure you're all wondering by now, that is if you've realized today is May 1st, how I survived my Whole 30 experience.

Well, here I am. I survived. I admit to a few slips, but Whole 30 has done amazing things for me.

Biggest blessing:
Whole 30 helped me divorce my scale. I never have to see him again. He was mentally abusive anyway. Andy will weigh me in once a month, and log my progress for me. I will also weigh in whenever I see Clarene, approximately every 3 months.

Prior to Whole 30, I would weigh myself obsessively-- several times a day. "I went to the bathroom, how much do I weigh?" "I just got back from the gym, how much water did I sweat out?" "Leprechauns are outside, WHAT DO I WEIGH?!"
You get the idea. It was unhealthy, and doing things to me emotionally.
If you are reading this, thinking "That's how I feel" or "Hey, that's me", you NEED to do Whole 30 and DIVORCE YOUR SCALE!

So what else did I gain from Whole 30? More self discipline and better compliance. I've been waiting for May 1st for a long time. I wanted some bacon, gosh darnit! And Fage Total. So this morning I had just that. Delicious bacon (oh, baby, how I've missed you!), along with some egg white crepes, stuffed ala taco style with fage total and blackberries. YUM!
Now don't laugh about compliance here, but I launched into a binge. I admit to being completely jealous of hubby & Grace on Easter, so I started chowing down on Easter candy.
IT TASTED BLECH! Fact: Whole foods are better (and a heckuva lot tastier) than processed ones.
Knowing this, wholeheartedly, compliance is going to be awesome from here on out.

"But wait", my Mormon friends say, "it's fast Sunday, why in the name of Brigham, Parley, and Joseph are you eating?"
Okay, hang on. Don't go getting any celestial wedgies on yourselves just yet. On Wednesday, I ate breakfast at 10a. I walked to gym, I did weights, I did sprints on TM, walked on track, walked home, walked up and down my street. Rested, made dinner. Walked to Walmart for prescriptions, walked to Primary meeting, walked home. Did not eat until 10a the next day. I WALKED 15 MILES, PEOPLE! It was also a body-led 24 hour natural fast. Not once was I hungry (though I did think "gosh, a sprite would be great right now!" in the sunny warmth of the day). This experience taught me that while my mind is ready for a marathon, my body is most definitely NOT. I was SO sore the next day! This experience also drew me closer to Heavenly Father as I was thanking him over and over for the invention of both the heating pad and aspercreme!
So, in all fairness-- 24 hour fast, deep grattitude to the Lord-- I think I'm set for today. I had a double fast last month anyway :P

Anyway, back to Whole 30. I know you're dying to know the results:

WEIGHT LOST: 0 lbs (well, this one's actually kind of a trick answer. On My Fitness Pal, my last weigh in was February at 169 lbs. My weigh in on March 31 on Daily Burn was 178 lbs. Today I was 169.8 lbs. You decide the weight loss)
INCHES LOST: 1 inches from my hips. Everything else the same.
BODY FAT LOST: 1%. I was 36.4% March 31, and 35.4% today

There's the facts. I'm going to do Whole 30 again in August (no holidays, no excuses, phew!). In August, I will do a Bacon 30. It will be stricter than this round of Whole 30. I'll allow myself meat (including bacon), veggies, fruit, and butter. That's it.

Yes, I'm crazy... but you already knew that ;)