Sunday, May 15, 2011

Overcoming The Fat Girl Mentality

This week, despite my fitness accomplishments, I must confess that I have been feeling, well... FAT. I haven't hesitated to let it be known either. Earlier this week I was complaining about the way my thighs squish out. Ever since I was about 10, and aware of my body and the way it looked, I've been at war with my ginormous thighs. I LOATHE them. I can live with a tummy, cankles, and back rolls, but apparently giant thighs are unacceptable to myself. I can see some definition in them, and recently measured them. 20". I looked up what the average female thigh was, expecting something much smaller.
Guess what.
I'm average.
The average thigh is 20".
So I measured my calf, trying to justify my fatness. 15".
The average female calf is 15".
WTF! This can't be right. I AM FAT!
The size 4 shorts I tried on last week beg to argue.
So I go and measure my body fat. My bathroom scale says I'm 36% BF. People always say how notoriously wrong bathroom scales are, so I plugged in some measurements online. They all averaged 26% BF.
For the first time in my life I'M AVERAGE.
Not only that, but I'm HEALTHY.

I was in the shower this morning and had an epiphany.
"OMG, I'm turning into one of those obnoxious skinny chicks who complain they're fat!"
I remember being 248 lbs, and dying inside whenever someone even remotely close to the weight I wanted to be would complain about their weight. I swore I'd never be like them, because, Dude, I'd kill to be you! I'm sure my old self would tell my new self that. But now, I've caught myself in a place where I was becoming the exact thing I swore never to become.
Apparently embracing a new self image is the hardest pill to swallow.
Off to church to shoot the fat, jealous devil on my shoulder ;)


Anonymous said...

Oh my, I can sooo relate. The other day I was lamenting on my fatness to a girlfriend. She proceeded to grab the back of my shirt and look at the tag, pointing out to me that fat girls can't wear a small. It's hard to get over the fat girl mentality. But, we're HEALTHY now, and that's what matters!
-Meganne1982 :)

bokbadok said...

My BFF is thin. She looks good. Really good. And I didn't believe that I looked good too -- until she made me try on a pair of her jeans and THEY FIT. That was the only evidence that I could not explain away. If I fit in her jeans, then that meant that I must be THIN TOO! No matter what my eyes tell me.

Fat Girl Mentality - it's real and harder to get rid of than the fat, imo.