Religion Does Not Define The Person I Am

One of the harder lessons I've had to learn in life is the difference between having a relationship with the Lord and being religious.
My father was a member of the Episcopal church when I was a baby, and my mother was Catholic. I was baptized Episcopalian as an infant. When I was 3, my parents moved to Utah. Over time, they converted to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, as did I. My parents divorced when I was 8, and my mom had to work a number of jobs to keep a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. I learned to cook and fend for myself. I went to church on occasion, but loathed Primary. Honestly, I think I just loathed wearing a dress. Oh, and I never sang, cuz I've always had a deep contralto voice, and didn't learn to love it until I was older. Church was not enjoyable until I got into Young Womens. Then it was fun.
Mom eventually remarried and was able to go to the Temple and set an example for me. As I grew into my late teens, I was pretty devout, and felt that my faith was unshakeable. Then I met my husband online, and we were engaged 7 days later without having ever met. We were sealed in the Temple less than a year later. Oh, did I mention we will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary next month?

After I moved away from home, some things happened to my mom that pushed her away from the church. Honestly, I think she got her feelings hurt by some of the members, but I digress. My favorite aunt was going to be visiting my mom, and mom suggested us 3 girls hang out in Vegas for a couple of days. I was game, and went. I knew my mom had become a coffee drinker, which bothered me (you're not supposed to have coffee or strong tea as a Mormon), but what made me snap is when she ordered a cocktail at the show we went to. I was super upset (in tears), and we had a discussion over the whole ordeal. My mom, who had held high offices in the stake, was rapidly deteriorating as a faithful member. To this day, she still has issues with paying tithing (and chews us out for paying ours, cuz it's 10% of our income that could be going toward a new house and other things we need).
Anyway, I was feeling pretty hurt over her behavior. It took me several years to realize, through her continued charity work and leadership in the community, that you don't have to go to church in order to have a close, personal relationship with the Lord.

Personally, I think church is incredibly boring. I rather spend stake conference at home with my husband & kid, and General Conference (where the world turns in to hear our Prophet speak) is down right physically painful to sit through. No, really. It kills me. Can I blame my ADD?
When I served in the Primary presidency at church for 3 years, I was happy... but I think it was b/c I spent 2 hours running errands non stop and doing my own thing. I liked making the presidency look good by helping it to run smoothly.
I was devastated when I was released from that calling, and 3 months later I'm still struggling to adapt to "civilian life". I'm the chorister in Relief Society now, which I don't mind, but sitting through some of the lessons makes me want to blow my brains out.
Sometimes I think some of the other ladies around me feel the same way. Last week we had a lesson on what will happen when Christ returns to the Earth. One of my close, older friends (Karen) was sitting next to me.
Teacher: "Can anyone tell me what will be the first thing to happen in the morning of the Resurrection?"
Me: *biting lip. Foot thumping nervously. Leaning over to Karen* "I desperately want to raise my hand and yell ZOMBIES!"
Karen: *choke, snort laugh*
Another lady across the room: "The world be turned into Eden. It won't be cold anymore, and we'll be vegetarians."
Me: *muttering, not really realizing it's aloud* "Maybe in your Eden. My Eden will have beef and snow."
Somebody must have heard me cuz they snorted a laugh too.
Karen: "Mine will have chocolate that won't make you fat."
Me: "Mine too!"

Can you see what I mean by "having trouble adjusting to civilian life"? I blame Primary. I've been in there so long that my inner big kid forgot how to be reined in. It just blurts out whatever it's thinking at the moment.
Yet, I love the Lord fiercely, and my faith in Him is still unshakeable. Given the chance, I will be a warrior for Him. My knee shall bow and tongue confess that Jesus is the King. Did I mention I'm super bull-headed when I get into an argument? WARRIOR!

I don't lie, cheat, steal, drink, smoke, or swear. When I use WTH and WTF online, it's always "What the heck?!" and "What the Fudge?!". My version of the F-bomb is "Fudgenugget", "Frick", or "Farffenugen.". The dirtiest word I use is "Smeg", and if you're a horse person, you'll know what it's derived from.
I try to be the type of friend a friend would like to have. I love passionately, and I'm fiercely loyal. You might even say that I'm dog like. When I get to know you well, I turn into a cross of Dory from Finding Nemo and Hammy from Over The Hedge. I'll tell you like it is, and will drop everything to be with you (provided my family isn't doing anything atm). If I REALLY like you (and feel that it's being reciprocated), I'll even watch your kids so you can sneak away for a while. If I like your kids and you, it is likely I will jump in front of a car or take a bullet for them.

I have a giant ego, but I also have a giant keloid on my left ear, which keeps said ego in check (really, it's hard to have too big of an ego when you feel ugly on the outside).
I'm also a little bit gay for Anne Hathaway and Zooey Deschanel. I have involuntary dreams at night where we go shopping and they tell me their darkest secrets.
I'm constantly having an internal struggle over whether or not gays should have the right to marry. Part of me thinks it's unconstitutional to not allow it, the other part says it's unnatural and cannot condone it.
DON'T JUDGE ME! lol

I love the Lord deeply. My family and friends come first. I'm honest and fair in dealing with my peers. I think church is boring and that religion does not equal a relationship with the Lord. When I race in 5ks or try to pound on my novels, I pray before I start. I'm fiercely loyal and will fight with you and for you.
I think I'm pretty awesome.

That's the kind of friend and person I am.

My Kid's A Genius

If you haven't met Grace, there are 3 things you should know about her.

She's a ham, especially around a camera
She's really funny and has a great sense of humor
She's got kid magazine model good looks

and... I'm 99% sure she's a genius. Like, her IQ is off the charts.

I am constantly impressed by what she brings home from school. Her latest piece makes me feel happy when I look at it. She also painted it with noodles. I wonder how much it would bring in on ebay...

Blah

So I know I'm behind on posting about my Leptin Reset, and I think I'll just leave it at that. I give up. Not on the reset, but on this blog. Having more fun focusing my energy on The Primal Junk Foodie blog.
I'm not saying I'll never post here again, cuz of course I'm going to write my greater moments here for the world to see, but other than that... I'm out for now. Peace.

Day 8, Leptin Reset

Jumped up 2 lbs (largely due to water weight, I think. Thanks, AF!), but holding steady, and largely sticking to the goals I've set for myself. Made a not so great food choice today, but I think it was more an error in my cooking rather than the food itself.
I made myself egg nog from scratch, but I made it too foamy. So I got through about half of it before deciding it just wasn't happening for breakfast.

BREAKFAST:
egg nog from scratch (1c grass fed organic cream + 6 eggs), and a side of cottage cheese
1330 cals, 11g carb, 128 fat, 47g protein
The egg nog is SUPER foamy. No way anyone can drink that much AIR.

LUNCH:
leftover egg nog (split above cals/carb/fat/protein in half)

DINNER:
pastured ham roast
366 cals, 0g carb, 18 fat, 48g protein

Totals:
1696 cals, 11g carb, 146 fat, 95g protein

super excited for our ham dinner. Gonna make a great breakfast tomorrow!

Day 6 & 7, Leptin Reset

So apparently I can't remember to update this blog regularly :P
Anyway, nothing much going on this weekend other than food. I have noticed, however, that depending on my hormone levels, I'm more addicted to some smells over others. This was brought about by a recent Scentsy purchase, lol.

I had nightmares about being on a mega binge. Like eating an entire pumpkin pie, a whole thing of whipped cream, and coconut flakes. When I woke up, I wasn't sure if it had really happened or not. Then I tried to remind myself "No, the last thing you ate were a few extra fried green tomatoes at dinner. You were well within you carb limits for the day"

BREAKFAST:
hot chocolate (made with grass fed organic cream top heavy cream & protein powder)
1,010 cals, 0g carb, 97g fat, 50g protein

LUNCH:
A couple slices of my Tea-Ramisu
611 cals, 1g carb, 38 fat, 62g protein

DINNER:
Almond butter stew
350 cals, 17g carb, 16 fat, 36g protein

totals:
1971 cals, 18g carb, 151 fat, 148g protein

TODAY:
BREAKFAST:
PJF Tea-Ramisu
611 cals, 1g carb, 38 fat, 62g protein

LUNCH:
Leftover Almond Butter Stew
350 cals, 17g carb, 16 fat, 36g protein

DINNER:
chicken lo mein (Make It Paleo)
196 cals, 10g carb, 8 fat, 20g protein

Just under 1200 cals. 28g carb, looks like a low fat day, which would explain my hunger. Sufficient protein though.
on a positive note, I was asleep by 9:30 last night

Day 5, Leptin Reset

Dropped 6 & 1/2 lbs this week. AF just showed up. Ladies, you know this means water weight, and I should be taking it on like the Titanic. If I dropped 6 lbs, I'm kinda scared about the week after AF leaves & all the water bails. It's going to be EPIC! I'll be droppin' it like it's hot.

BREAKFAST:
Make It Paleo Breakfast Burrito (with pork side)
578 cals, 6g carb, 39 fat, 50g protein

LUNCH:
A slice or two of my VLC/high protein Tea-Ramisu (recipe in forum shortly)
305 cals, 1g carb, 19 fat, 31g protein

DINNER:
fried green tomatoes (with tomatoes straight from our back porch garden) and smoky lime steak
878 cals, 13g carb, 49 fat, 76g protein

Totals:
1761 cals, 20g carb, 107 fat, 157g protein

Day 3 & 4 Leptin Reset

I guess I missed posting yesterday.

Grace has an ear infection, but she still wanted to go to school yesterday. Teacher said she was having a bit of a rough time the last hour, but she seems to be doing a lot better today.
At dinner, I told her that we might not be having this problem as much if she had just breast fed better. To which she sticks her face into my breast and sniffs. WTH, KID?! A moment later, her hand was down my shirt. SERIOUSLY?!
There's you giggle for today.

BREAKFAST:
6 egg omelette with blue cheese, leftover meat/veggies from dinner last night & 4 slices of bacon
907 cals, 11g carb, 62 fat, 71g protein

LUNCH:
2 black pepper blue cheese burger patties
660 cals, 8g carb, 44 fat, 56g protein

DINNER:
Skipped. There wasn't enough to feed all of us, and I was doing fine anyway.

Totals:
1567 cals, 19g carb, 106 fat, 127g protein

Feeling a little bit keto today (light headache, a little whoozy. Hello mild carb flu. Nice to see you again).

Was up before Grace, but only by a few minutes.
BREAKFAST:
2 cans tuna, mashed with avocado, and homemade avocado mayo
905 cals, 77 fat, 17g carbs (all from the avo, so that's, like, 4 net carbs), 50g protein

LUNCH:
gonna try to IF it

DINNER:
homemade sausage patties (from local pastured pork *happy dance*), and scrambled eggs
480 cals, 29 fat, 4g carb, 47g protein

Totals:
1385 cals, 106 fat, 21 carbs (8 net), 97g protein

aaaand it's payday, which always makes me happy. Time to order more grass fed/pastured critter, and buy veggies for the next few days.

Down 4 lbs since Nov 1st. Buh-bye water retention! 20 to go until I'm clawing at the 160s again.

Day 2 Leptin Reset

Had 100% compliance yesterday and met all my goals. Yay!
Today I confess to feeling a little anxiety, especially when I was at the grocery store. CHOCOLATE! Got home and took some magnesium to see if it helps quiet the monster (it has in the past), and brewed myself some chocolate orange herbal tea. Although I desperately wanted to put some cream or mascarpone in it.
Worried about my devon cream, grass fed heavy cream, and mascarpone going to waste.
*deep breath*
still 100% paleo for the day though. Have not deviated from food plan for the day. Going to go play a couple hands of gin at pogo to get my mind off of it.

BREAKFAST:
tuna cakes with a drizzle of EVOO
740 cals, 2g carb, 60 fat, 52g protein

LUNCH:
hard boiled eggs (possibly mashed with homemade avocado mayo)
140 cals, 2g carb, 9 fat, 12g protein

DINNER:
stuffed portabellos
860 cals, 32g carb, 48 fat, 62g protein
(the carbs may come down a bit if I only have 1 portabello cap)

totals:
1740 cals, 36g carb, 117 fat, 126g protein

100% paleo day!

6 Week Experiment

Hello, November 1st. For the next 6 weeks, I will attempt to reset my leptin to see if it helps some of the issues I'm having.
Jack Kruse Leptin Reset RX
Jack Kruse obviously didn't have a 3yo to get ready for school (feed, dress, as well as feed & dress himself) when he wrote Leptin Reset. He says no stress, but I honestly don't know how you get around not being stressed out trying to make breakfast for 2 people, get your 3yo to eat it, get her dressed, and to school on time in 30 mins. Grace is almost always up by 8a, but today it's raining so her room was extra dark (like 6 in the morning dark), so she overslept. I also overslept (Grace is my alarm clock), but I was up before she was.
Half way through breakfast, I hated Jack Kruse. I was ready to barf. I'm a fan of IF-ing, so I don't eat when I'm not hungry. Today I ate when I wasn't hungry. A lot. Uuuuuugh. I choked down 3 egg cupcakes (eggs & veggies baked together), 4 protein pancakes (wondering WTH I buy protein powder), and 4 strips of bacon. About the only thing I enjoyed was the bacon. I wondered if this is how eating contest contestants felt afterwards. :-x

Leptin Reset Starting Weight: 195.4
5'5.5" 29yoF
waist: 33"
hip: 40"
thigh: 20"
calf: 15"

goals:

• stick as closely as possible to 25g carbs/day
• in bed by 9p, asleep by 10p
• all baked goods for blog go immediately to friends and neighbors
• NO SNACKING!
• Limit dairy to 2x a week (sad face)
• No fruit (except avocados, mmmm)
• Bulk of carbs come from veggies, some from avocados
• No cardio until Dec 1st, to allow my injured Achilles to fully heal. Long walks in the evening thereafter.

Nov 1st food diary
BREAKFAST:
3 paleo egg cupcakes
4 protein pancakes
4T butter (had to choke down those pancakes somehow)
4 slices bacon
1,204 cals, 84 fat, 13g carb, 92g protein

LUNCH:
Unplanned (gonna see if I can make it to dinner)
Maybe some straight herbal tea

DINNER:
apple shallot pork chops
638 cals, 14g carb, 39 fat, 64 protein

Totals:
1842 cals, 27g carb, 123 fat, 156g protein

Bummed

I know I've been quiet this week, and I've been dealing with some emotions.

I was super excited for the Murray 5k Moonlight Race last Saturday. It was a night run which I've never done before. Everyone was lit up with glow sticks and blacklight makeup. It was going to be epic. I felt great, despite minor injury, and couldn't wait to get running. I was getting squirrely!

The gun went off and my racing pal & I headed out. Everything was fine. The twinge in my achilles (sustained from Love Your Body 6k) was there, but it wasn't painful. My chiro had done a good job... and then we hit a good stretch of unpacked horse trail gravel. Suddenly, my race went spiraling out of control. Pain shot from my hip down through my Achilles. This was bad. I wasn't even a mile in and already hobbling. Once we got back to paved terrain, I tried running in grass, but I stepped in a hole. I swear, I'm not making this nightmare run up! At 3/4 mile, I wasn't even sure I could make it back to the pavillion where we started, since the course was looping back that direction. I tried to jog a little, but I couldn't go more than a few steps without thinking "Ow, ow, ow!" I had to stop. The clock was ticking in my head. This was bad. A couple of groups passed asking if I was okay if I needed help. I lied and told them it was just a cramp. I hobbled past the pavillion where the crowd was cheering. Already runners were returning from their 3.12 mile run (it had only been 21 mins!) I wanted to bite them like an angry dog after the mailman. So envious.

I considered turning in my runner tag right there. It would be so easy. Why do this to myself? Because quitting was unacceptable. So I grit my teeth and hobbled by the cheering crowd who were encouraging me "You're doing great."

I grimaced, unconvinced.

Around mile 2, I saw my running buddy heading back toward the finish line. I grinned and cheered her on. She was doing great. Me? Not so much.

I cringed as a lead bike light shined behind me. He directed me into the dark unknown, past sporadically placed volunteers, then down a really creepy trail (yay, more ungroomed horse trail gravel! Pain. Pain!)

The last volunteer sidled up beside me. I swallowed. "Am I the last one in?"
"We think so."

"Crap."

I have never been last. I know there's a first time for everything, but this was seriously embarassing. Luckily, the nice young kid (who was also a runner), got my mind off the pain and I was able to be distracted enough to walk out my kink. We passed mile 3 and I felt like I could run again. He stayed beside me, and I told him I was ready to bring on the sprint to the line. He was probably pretty surprised when this chubby little mama kicked on the afterburners. "Holy-- You ARE a sprinter!" (direct quote). His breathing accelerated and we both saw the finish line. "Don't make me beat you," he laughed, obviously loving the speed. I dug in and flashed under the finish. The camera man popped in front of me and asked if I could do that again, cuz he didn't get it in time. I waved him off. I just wanted to cry. I felt so humiliated that I was the last one in. My running pal (who always beats me, even if I'm 1/2 a mile ahead-- go figure!) congratulated me, and she always comments on how fast I smoke through that last bit before the wire, but I was just SO. ANGRY.

Reliving it now gets me upset all over again.

Please don't bother with "You were injured. You couldn't help it". Or "Wow, you pushed through 3 miles of a race totally trashed". I just feel like finishing last, even while injured, is like an Asian F (A- by American grades)-- unacceptable. Quitting is unacceptable, and coming in last is, too.

I've been hobbling around all week, hoping my issue clears up. Saw chiro Thurs and he did another laser treatment on my Achilles and adjusted my foot & ankles. I really want to do Highway to Hale on the 29th, but I don't know if my legs will allow it. I feel like getting a good time in Hwy2Hale would give me some sense of vindication.

On a bright note, I picked up 30 lbs of grass fed/pastured critter today from a CSA Share from Christiansen Farms.
OMG!!! THERE WAS BAAAAAAAAAACON!!!! You should have heard the sound that came out of my mouth when I opened the little white package "pork side". IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS IN OCTOBER!

When I got home, I ran to the corner and back. Feels like my foot is healing up, so I'll see if I can't pay for Highway to Hale today or Monday.

NEW PR!

Ran my first race in Vs. GOOD GUTS! I AM A MONSTER IN THESE THINGS! Ran 1.25 miles straight (never did that before IN MY LIFE), did a little walking, but ran the bulk of the 6k race. Set a new PR: 58.43, taking at least 5 mins off from last year!
I feel incredible. Bam, boom, over the moon!
I am going to own next Saturday's 5k!

So excited.

VICTORY ROAR!

How Did You Do?

So how did we do on our goals last week?

My goals were:

• Log a minimum of 10 miles this week
• Drink 180 oz of water daily this week until my water weight is gone
• Go to the gym 4 days this week
• Go to bed no latter than 10p EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.
• Work daily on editing my novel for at least an hour.

By the end of today, I will have my 10 miles-- ALL OF THEM IN MY VIBRAMS! Transitioning has been super easy. I think wearing flip flops 9 months out of the year has helped.

I managed 150 oz of water my first day, and haven't been able to force more than 60 on myself since, LOL

Went to the gym 2 days this week. Grace was sick and I slept on her floor 2 nights and woke up really sore and even more tired. I still got my miles in, but not at the gym

I think I made it to bed by 10 two nights. The rest was 11. Let's keep working on that.

I worked on my novel several days this week, but have not worked on it in the last 48 hours. However, I did WRITE every single day this week. Yay! Also had a write in on Wednesday and my friend & I are thinking of making it a regular thing, so that will be nice. She's always had a secret desire to write, so it will be good for the both of us.

I have a race coming up this Saturday. Time to really crack down on diet and exercise
Goals for this week:

• Log a minimum of 12 miles this week
• IF daily
• Monitor my blood sugar daily (have been giving my fingers a break since my last check up)
• Drink 64 oz of water daily
• Go to the gym 4 days this week
• Go to bed no later than 10p EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.
• Work daily on editing my novel for at least an hour.

On a separate note, some things have been popping up on facebook that have caught my attention, primarily my echoed feelings about being anti-McDonalds. Here are 2 of the pics to look at and ask yourself do you REALLY want to put that crap in your body?

Goals For The Week

Welcome to the final week of September!  Fall is officially here (as of my birthday), and the weather is cooling off.  As the temperatures become more comfortable and bearable again, what sort of things do you have planned?  I have several goals outlined for this week.

• Log a minimum of 10 miles this week-- I already put in 2 yesterday
• Drink 180 oz of water daily this week until my water weight is gone
• Go to the gym 4 days this week
• Go to bed no latter than 10p EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.
• Work daily on editing my novel for at least an hour.

On the menu today:
Chai spiced rooibos custard
Red Robin monster burger (I got a free burger coupon, so Andy wanted to make sure I used it)
2043 cals, 24 carbs, 183 fat, 86 protein

UPDATE: Hit the gym this morning and my friend Melissa was kind enough to film my first sprints in my new V's.

Funny thing though, I think I broke the treadmill. I paused it after my sprint on 10 mph and it wouldn't start again! *Puffs with pride* (I so fast I broke a treadmill!)
Thanks again to Melissa for recording the footage.
FOOT-AGE! BWAHAHA!
Sorry. No pun intended there.

Dirty Dash Aftermath

As you saw on my Road to Glory post, The Dirty Dash race is great fun.  However, it did have its consequences.  It wasn't being caked in mud, picking out boogers that I wasn't sure were mud or dried blood, or brown pudding-like ear wax.  It was this:

And this (cuts on inside of leg & back heel):

  

And this (muddy wash, ew!)

But it's okay, cuz my birthday was Friday & I scored these:

And this (rad handmade tribal horse head pendant on horsehair necklace):

And this (yogurt maker!  Homemade creme bulgare = LIFE CHANGING!):

And I'm blessed with these guys:

Muscle Nog

I feel blessed to live in the great, industrious state of Utah.  It's always growing and changing (just look at the freeway constantly under contruction, hahaha).  Really, there's a reason we're called the Beehive State.  I have access to raw dairy, grass fed critter, and real honey straight from the hive.  Even better:  I live in a town full of Primal goodies!  Less than 2 miles from my house is Amano chocolate, Kara chocolate, and Crio Bru (what's really crazy is they're all within a block radius from eachother!). 
However, a new and even more exciting company has recently popped up, Muscle Nog.  If you read my Quick N Dirty Egg Nog recipe, you'll know how much I love egg nog.  Now  Muscle Nog has come along with a wonderful, creamy protein shake that is surely after the warm fuzzy cockles of my heart!  Charlie Mitchell very generously hooked me up with not one, not two, but FOUR samples of his exciting new protein powder-- two of each flavor.  He's even in the process of developing an actual egg nog flavor which I demand to get in on! ;)

The great thing about Muscle Nog is not just that it's produced locally, but that it's an egg based protein.  They don't spray dry it, or denature it in any way.  This is a highly bioavailable protein for your body.  The quicker your body can access protein after a workout, the quicker and easier you're going to bounce back.  Did you know that pasteurized egg whites you get at the store are not as bioavailable as Muscle Nog?  Pasteurized egg whites are low heat pasteurized to kill harmful bacteria, have to be refrigerated to prevent growth of harmful substances, and can cause gas.  Ew.
Muscle Nog takes the egg whites and processes them into crystals.  These crystals can be reconstituted in water or your favorite milk for a rich and creamy recovery treat.  Muscle Nog reaches into the biological bank and maintains equal value and quality as close to a freshly laid egg as you can get without all the messy, gooey, sticky cracking involved from the egg cartons.  Muscle Nog digests slowly so you get more anabolism out of it and less catabolism.  The slow digestion is especially beneficial to individuals, like myself, who have diabetes.  The slow release of nutrition results in a more even insulin response, and less of a spike and crash.  Trust me on this one, I tested my sugar like a madwoman for your benefit just so I could make that statement!

BUT HOW DOES IT TASTE?
Yeah, I knew you were going to ask that.

I stacked up Muscle Nog against my beloved zero carb Isopure creamy vanilla and low carb Isopure chocolate whey powders, aaaaaand...
It's great!  It was a thousand times better than Jay Robb's egg based protein powder, which I have also tried (IMHO, Jay Robb's egg based protein is, hands down, VILE!).
Isopure dissolves more readily when used in a shake, however whatever got stuck to the back of my spoon with Muscle Nog was good enough to chew, bite, and lick off.  The Muscle Nog was like drinking the delicious, gooey stuff that's left when your ice cream melts.  Unfortunately the ingredient list isn't quite primal, but for a protein drink the deliciousness is definitely off the richter scale! Nom, nom, nom<3

I am aware that there's a difference between egg based protein and whey based, but I honestly felt that Muscle Nog deserved to be compared to a high quality protein such as Isopure. So here ya go:

NUTRITION FACTS FOR NILLA NOG:
Serving size 2 scoops
110 cals, 2.5g fat, 2g carb, 20g protein

NUTRITION FACTS FOR ISOPURE ZERO CARB CREAMY VANILLA:
Serving size 2 scoops
210 cals, 1g fat, 0g carb, 50g protein

NUTRITION FACTS CHOCO NOG:
Serving size 2 scoops
110 cals, 2g fat, 4g carb, 20g protein

NUTRITION FACTS ISOPURE LOW CARB DUTCH CHOCOLATE:
Serving size 2 scoops
220 cals, 1g fat, 3g carb, 50g protein

But let's not be limited by shakes.  Oh, no, no, no.  I got FOUR samples, remember?  So I made myself some waffles & pancakes.  That's right, sucka.  You heard me.  Mmm-hmm... WAFFLES AND PANCAKES!


Isopure made a very dry waffle, but was easily remedied with ample sugar-free syrup and butter.  Muscle Nog made a wonderful, eggy waffle, cuz, gee, IT'S MADE FROM EGGS! 


Use your noggin, and go get nogged!

Disclaimer: Muscle Nog provided me with a free sample of this product for review, and I was under no obligation to review it if I so chose.  Nor was I under any obligation to write a positive review in return for the free product.

The Road to Glory

For the record, this is what hard earned glory looks like:

A few months ago, my Primary president announced she was going to be doing the Dirty Dash 5k.  Then she looked at me and said "And you're doing it with me."
I shrank down & went "Okay".  Cuz what good presidency member tells her president no? LOL

So we did it!  And we survived.  I completed the mud laden obstacle 5k course in the same shoes I ran my first 5k in.  They were ready for retirement, and I wanted to send them out in style.  They were worthy of a warrior's funeral, and deserved to go out fighting!  So I let them go in a blaze of earthen glory.

(Before)

(After)

I thought I was being smart doing the race without socks, but my shoes got full of packed mud and rocks.  So I did 3.12 miles in this:

This is not the end of the shoes though.  The great thing about it all, is that I donated them.  They will be cleaned up and given to some needy person somewhere!

Victory kiss!

Thanks for the fun, Lizzie!  I wouldn't have been brave enough to do it without you.

Lace Up Your Shoes

I love the song "Check Yes Juliet".  It's just a fun song.  Well, I am here to tell you, directly from the lyrics:

"Lace up your shoes, hey oh, hey oh-oh.  Here's how we do... Run, baby, run! Don't ever look back..."

I must be crazy because I am doing the Dirty Dash at Soldier Hollow this weekend, officially sending my first pair of running shoes into retirement with a blaze of earthen glory.  It doesn't stop there, though.  I've got my eye on 3 races in October, and possibly 1 in November.  I'm going to do the Love Your Body 10k on Oct 8th, thinking about a blacklight night run on the 15th, and Highway to Hale on the 29th.  Andy wants to do HTH with me, even though it's his birthday. 

So here's to cracking down and actually seriously training for the next month.  That means avoiding nightshades, too.  Why do they have to be so delicious?  Curse you bell peppers, tomatoes, and cucumbers!

I Gotta Feelin

I love the song I Gotta Feelin by Black Eyed Peas, and I'm having one of those days.

Got my once a week sprint session out of the way today. Sprints at 7, 8, and 9 mph on hamster wheel at gym, followed by weights. Enjoying chilly glass of raw milk & Nilla Nog (locally produced protein, yay for localvorism!). It's a good day.
Going to swing by Real Foods later for a few gallons of raw milk so I can finish my blog post on rendering raw cream.
Oh and Tropical Traditions sent some coconut cream concentrate for a fudge recipe I'm going to demo soon (along with a giveaway). Yeah, this day already totally Groks!

Oh, and Tara, if you're reading this, I'm totally coming after you this week in your sister's weight loss competition.  RAWR, BRING IT!

You Know Better Than I

What's the hardest thing to do in life?
Is it letting go of loved ones?
Is it giving birth to new life?
No.
It's submitting to the Lord's will. 

It completely SUCKS.  The hardest thing is giving up control of your life and being humble to the Lord's plans.  It's telling Him "Not my will, but Thine be done."

I recall a cold November night in 2008.  Grace was just 4 months old.  I stood in a meeting as the new Primary Secretary, trying to calm a fussy, screaming baby, and keep up with what was going on.  I felt completely lost and overwhelmed.  What was I doing here?  I couldn't even handle my own kid, let alone a room full of them.  I didn't belong in this calling!  Why was the Lord doing this to me?

Fast forward to early 2010.  The presidency was released, and I was kept on as secretary.  The new presidency looked to me to guide and direct them.  It was kind of funny seeing their deer-in-the-headlight stares.  "Ahhh!  What do I do?"  "No worries, sister.  I've got your back.  I'm here to make you look good."
(obviously I'd gotten a lot more confident over the past year).  The new presidency got the hang of things, and I started feeling like I fit in better with this new group than the previous one.  I belonged here!  There was no other calling I'd rather have.  I loved running around the church for 2 hours, passing out roles, and doing whatever errands were needed of me.  Staying busy suit my ADD nicely. 

September 8, 2011:
One of the counselors of the Bishopric stopped by to let me know I was being released.
Wait.  What? 
I knew we were going through another presidency change, but the new president told me she wasn't going to change much, and most likely only call someone to replace her position (she had been a counselor).  So you can imagine my shock when I was informed I was being released.  I would have a new calling in about two weeks.  "It better be in the Primary presidency," I laughed nervously.  My only console was that the person taking over secretary was in desperate need of the calling to uplift and enrich her family's lives, and that I would understand when I heard her name called.  I brought the matter to the new Primary president, and the only answer I got was her putting her arm around my shoulders and telling me "Trish, there are great plans in store for you."
That didn't help at all. 
I've been really upset over it, and I thought having it done and over with today at church would make my heartache subside.  I was wrong.  We sang Be Thou Humble in Sacrament and I just started bawling. 

Be thou humble in thy calling, and the Lord thy God shall teach thee
To serve his children gladly with a pure and gentle love.
Be thou humble in thy longing, and the Lord thy God shall take thee,
Shall take thee home at last to ever dwell with him above.

I feel like I've been dumped by a boyfriend.  I'm in mourning.  It makes no sense to me because I've always been really happy about being released from my previous callings.  This is the first release I've shed tears over. (And considering I sliced my hands open at a meeting last spring, I've officially shed blood, sweat, AND tears for my calling!)

So here I am.  I feel completely lost and overwhelmed.  What am I doing here?  I belong in the Primary presidency!  Why is the Lord doing this to me?

Because He knows better than I.  He sees the big picture for me.  I see only brushstrokes.

What I Accomplished Today

On the days Grace goes to school, I try to be productive. This morning I went back to the gym now that it's reopen after annual maintenance. I came home, posted a new recipe to my food blog:
Primal Junk Foodie Egg Nog
And got to work on editing my short story for submission now that I finally have my second set of edits back after an address mix up.
Maybe during Grace's nap I'll work on The Subtle Beauty, too. I don't know what will become of any of this writing stuff, but at least I'm feeling inspired and driven this week.
When I pick up Grace, I need to swing by an office down near Geneva Rd to pick up a couple samples of Muscle Nog. It's a locally produced protein powder and I'm way excited to try it! Stay tuned for a review in the next few days.

EDIT: Put Grace down for nap, and tried to work on The Subtle Beauty, but I feel like I need to print it out and put it in a binder so I can get a better idea of where it's at. Might be easier to piece it together that way.

The Primal Junk Foodie

I love writing. I love the worlds and excitement I can create. Consequently, blogging = writing, and I felt it was time that my Primal eats branch off from my diabetic blog into their own kingdom. So I'm introducing it here:
The Primal Junk Foodie

I love food as much as I love writing, so it made sense to share my excitement. I hope you'll check it out and read my transformation story there. I will continue to lead my day to day life on the Pregnant Diabetic, but the bulk of what I eat will be discussed in detail at The Primal Junk Foodie

Saturday Sanity

Today is a crazy day. I hope I can maintain my sanity.

I didn't sleep very well. My alarm clock is off (and somehow got another hour off during the night). I woke up at 6:30 and had a little "moment" (was supposed to pick up my Bountiful Basket at 6:30) then looked at my cell phone. My alarm clock was only an hour off when I went to bed, and my cell phone told me it was 4:30. Now my alarm clock is 2 hours off. Wha--?
I couldn't sleep though. Still nervous about missing pick up. So I got up at 5-ish and did my Facebook stuff. Left at 6:15 only to realize I forgot my receipt. Luckily I wasn't even at the end of the block from my house, so I turned around and dashed back inside.
Got to the location. It's dark out, and my eyesight is not so good. The location was supposed to be at Dream Dinners, so I go inside (deserted), and find someone in the back office. She directs me across the parking lot to the bank. I go outside and see the volunteers. I say "Good morning, frosty volunteers!" cuz it was cold out (esp if you're like me-- running around in flip flops, shorts, and a light t-shirt through October).
Yesterday I was freaking out about trying to find a basket for this thing. I get there with my box and a couple bags & they tell me "You bought organic. Your organics come with their own basket every week."
So that made me happy. The organic box was a good weight. It was shut up tight, but I opened it as soon as I got home.
So happy with my first basket!
ORGANIC everything-- bananas, papaya, peaches, grapes, limes, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, mini watermelon, celery, and the biggest mango you ever saw (it's like the size of my head-- no joke!)
We can DEFINITELY get through this this week.
I'm seeing nice salad with dinner tomorrow, Andy going to town on juicy watermelon, Ma (who is flying in tonight) chowing down on peaches, Grace going bananas for her bananas, and that mango has a date with some cream! I've got some avocados in the fridge that would like to do the guacamole paso dobles with those limes, too.

Next on the agenda is the zoo. One of my friend's sons is turning 3, and having his party at the zoo. Grace has been very excited. She loves the zoo. Andy was going to go, but I told him I could take my best friend Jazz (and her son) instead. Andy nodded his sweet little lortab-drugged head. He says he'll organize the entertainment center, desk, do dishes, and vacuum for me in the 12 hours that I'm gone. I think he can handle 4 chores in 12 hours. Let's hope! 2 of the jobs are done sitting (big jobs, but not difficult), and the other standing. I'm feeling optimistic.

Shopping at Carters & picking up Ma from airport also on agenda today!

Debating whether or not to have breakfast. I really want to try mixing cottage cheese with chocolate protein powder and raspberries. Andy is on antibiotics, so I'm going to make him some Greek yogurt with chocolate protein & raspberries when he gets up.
Chocolate pancakes sound good too, but would be too easy to spread peanut butter all over!

No White After Labor Day

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. At 6 AM, I'm going to go pick up my first bountiful basket. After that we are headed to Hogle Zoo for a birthday party, and hopefully hitting up Red Robin (yummmm!) for lunch. I also hope to be going to Carters to get Grace some fall clothes, cuz they're having a 50% off sale through Monday. And then, brace yourselves... THE WHITE GLOVE INSPECTOR IS COMING!
We are picking my mom up from the airport and going to dinner. See what I mean by a full say? I'm already exhausted just reading all that.
I am trying to straighten up today (and did some on Thursday too), but feeling a little overwhelmed (and lazy). Grace helped me pull out our hide-a-bed so I can get clean sheets on it.

Andy has been having some oral discomfort. He went to the dentist and they said he needs to have his wisdom teeth extracted, due to infection. He went to the oral surgeon, and they gave him 2 options. Option 1 would be a liquid diet for several days (not so fun since we plan on eating out a couple times over the next week), and Option 2 was antibiotics and painkillers. He took option 2. He'll go back in on Friday morning next week and have full surgery done.

Grace is jumping on the hide a bed.

Anyway, I guess that gives me more time to figure out some protein puddings for the man.
I made an awesome one today.

1/2c Fage Total Full Fat Greek Yogurt
1 scoop isopure zero carb creamy vanilla protein powder
nellie & joes key lime juice
liquid vanilla stevia
(255 cals, 4g carbs, 13g fat, 33g protein)

protein first into bowl, then Greek yogurt, combine super well. Add key lime & sweetener to taste. VOILA! Key lime pie protein pudding. SO GOOD! I'm going to try a chocolate raspberry one on Andy when he's ready for liquid diet. Heck, *I* might try it. (mmm... cream top cottage cheese with chocolate protein powder, raspberry chocolate stevia, and fresh raspberries. Tell me THAT doesn't sound good!)
I'm totally loving my isopure zero & low carb powders.

Oh, yeah, and in case you didn't realize, I re-introduced dairy today. Going to keep an eye on how it effects my weight loss. I hope it doesn't hinder it, cuz I have some awesome cream top cottage cheese and other goodies in the fridge.

Time for lunch (leftover paleo spaghetti & meat sauce)

GOALS FOR TODAY:

• organize entertainment center
• vacuum
• sweep
• mop kitchen & bathroom
• make Ma's bed
• scrub toilet
• scrub sink & mirrors
• make sure someone does the dishes
• try to organize computer desk
• Put clean sheets on Grace's bed

I remember an episode of Curious George where the Man in the Yellow Hat got upset cuz he came home to a BIG mess. George didn't see a big mess. He just saw lots of little messes that made it look like a big one.
I hope I can retain that kind of optimism today!
I hope Andy will feel well enough to help with some of it.

On a positive note, I achieved ALL of yesterday's goals. WOO!

Rabbit Rabbit!

When I was a kid, Nickelodeon had a daily theme thingy. The first day of every month they always said "RABBIT, RABBIT!" which was a way of saying good luck.
I adopted it myself.

RABBIT, RABBIT, EVERYONE! That's my way of saying good luck on all your worthy endeavors for the new month in September.

My Bacon 30 challenge has ended (phew!), and I have some good news. I am back in the 170s (a 10 lb drop), and have no desire to binge. Eat some yummy food, yes. Go straight for the jugular and down sugary snacks? No. The sugar-iest things I have in the house right now (aside from fruit), is mojomilk and crio beans.
I will be carefully reintroducing full fat dairy (there is grass fed heavy cream in my fridge and some cream top cottage cheese) and keeping a hawk eye on how it effects my weight loss progress.
Also I recently learned about how to get raw cream! So, of course, I want to try that out (buy raw milk, pour into sterile mason jar, allow cream to rise to top, scrape off).

I'm going to try to keep sugar out of the picture still, and only have it once in a while. My birthday is on the 23rd and I want to weigh less than I did last year!

Having waffles for breakfast (got some zero carb vanilla protein powder and eggs, and sugar free syrup), cheddar bacon burgers for lunch, and spaghetti squash with meatballs for dinner (we'll see about the meatballs, though, I might just do meat sauce).

Goals for today: Drop Grace off at preschool, get groceries, straighten up the house a little, do laundry, edit my short story.

Bacon 30, Day 29

Kind of proud of myself. Have been balking at bountiful baskets for several months now. The process kind of intimidated me, since I didn't understand how it works. Tonight I was beckoned by the promise of tropical fruit and vanilla bean pods and signed up for the organic basket. Excited now. I hope this leads to a reduced monthly grocery bill.
I get brownie points for doing my first primal basket of organic co-op produce, right? :)

Anyway, tomorrow is Grace's 3rd day of preschool. I've been concerned about her not eating breakfast before school last week. She tells me "No, thank you, Mommy. I just fine." when I ask if she wants to eat something.
I'm not trying to force her to eat, but the mom in me is desperate to make sure she gets off on the right foot. I know when I'm hungry, my ADD goes into overdrive and I can't focus on ANYTHING. I don't want that to be an issue for her.
Anyway, I picked up some protein powder today with the purpose of making her some protein cookies. Cuz, hey, what kid can resist cookies, right? And for breakfast! It will be a novelty for sure. Going to use eggs, peanut butter, protein powder, maybe some applesauce, and chocolate chips. I will get fat and protein into this kid before school if it kills me!

I know technically this is a 30 day challenge and tomorrow should be the last day, but I am going through September 1st. September 1st, it's fair game again. Cuz I'm awesome... and more or less largely crazy.

Bacon 30, Day 28

Sorry for the delayed update, I've been a little overwhelmed the last week. My check up went okay. My blood sugar is amazing. My hA1c was 5.5 off of drugs. Yay me. Unfortunately, my cholesterol is pretty elevated, despite my best efforts to eat leaner cuts of meat. My total cholesterol was 247 (where 240 is generally acceptable), however my HDL is frighteningly low, and my LDL is freakishly high. It was suggested to me that I should cut back on fish oil, and I also read that copper may help, so I will try that. Going to try to tone down the bacon consumption while continuing to enjoy other healthy fats like avocado and coconut.

Went and saw The Help with my friends Thursday evening. Good movie, worth the full price, go see it! Don't think about it. "RUN, GIRL, RUN!"

Also went to my 10 year high school reunion on Friday... with a class I didn't graduate from. I went to grade school through jr high with them, and they welcomed me to the reunion. That really meant a lot to me.

Another thing I've been trying to improve is our grocery bill. I think last paycheck we were getting closer to that $250 goal, but still around $300. I've already spent $204, and I'm going to try to stick as close to I can to $50 on actual groceries next week.

So glad my self inflicted challenge is nearly over. I have missed heavy cream. I promise not to binge! I just think heavy cream is a viable way to get a good dose of fat.

Will be blogging about protein powders soon. There are a few that are low carb and I think they might make a viable pancake/waffle batter.

Bacon 30, Day 18

Sorry I'm such a slacker. Still trucking along with my August challenge. I confess to some slip ups, though. I accidentally ate a slice of of tomato when we went to dinner last week (Red Lobster-- I had lobster. It really hit the spot), and we had cucumber in our shrimp salad. Why are these slip ups? Both are cucumbers & tomatoes are nightshades. I've also used pepper (red, cayenne, and black) a few times. The issue with my knee has improved with nightshades out of my diet, and I asked Andy if we were eating a lot of bell peppers in the last few months. He confirmed that we were. So, huh, I wonder if it was bell peppers causing some inflammation? Cuz the cucumber, spices, and tomato haven't bothered it. Will have to do a bell pepper experiment next month to see how my knee reacts.
Isn't it fascinating how our bodies react to certain foods?

So on a good note, I dropped 4 lbs last week, and I'm hoping to see the 170s again by Sunday. I go to Clarene for my 3 month check up on Tuesday. Had blood work done yesterday. I hope I have done enough to lower my cholesterol.

Grace officially starts preschool on Tuesday. I have been getting into a rhythm of going to the gym on Tues & Thurs since that's when she'll be in school. Unfortunately, the gym is closing for maintenance from Aug 22-Sept 5th. Great. Just when I get into a rhythm!
Trying not to sweat it.

WHAT I'M CRAVING THE MOST:
Heavy cream
Peanut butter
Ice cream (primarily b/c of the heavy cream, aaaaand I found a sugar free Egg Nog flavored syrup I wanna try)

Bacon 30, Day 9

Don't worry, I haven't fallen off the wagon. The weekend got a little busy and I've been kinda tired. Like I just want to sleep... ALL. THE. TIME! And moody. And crampy.
It's nothing. Shut up.

Have been enjoying awesome fasting blood sugars since Saturday. Almost all of them in the 90s. Today's was 101, but I tested after tasting my lunch and a good work out, so it was probably a little elevated.
Yesterday Grace and I went up to Bridal Veil Falls for a little nature walk. A bunch of people were playing in the pool at the base of the falls (I don't mean swimming pool. More like local watering hole with pretty, clear water). Grace walked probably a mile before complaining she was tired. I bribed her with a little swim if she would walk back. We both dipped our feet in the water. Holy Hannah, was it cold! It took less than 5 mins for our skin to turn bright pink.
Today I went to gym. Lifted weights then did elliptical for half hour, and a 5 min cool down on treadmill.

Have been limiting my eating window to noon to six. Clarene will probably holler at me, but so far it's the only success I've had with decreasing fasting blood sugars.

TODAY'S NUTRITION:
1559 cals, 72 protein, 133 fat, 40 carbs, 771 sodium
(72.82% fat, 9.72% carbs, 17.46% protein)

Bacon 30, Day 4

I confess I had a little slip up today. Grace didn't want the last bite of her chocolate chip larabar, and, without thinking, it went to my tummy. There, I'm glad that's off my chest. Technically, I should reset to day 1, but I'm hoping to stay on the Bacon 30 wagon much longer than August.

This morning I got Grace ready for camp/preschool and dropped her off. Hit the gym afterwards and did weights, then knocked out two miles on the treadmill.
Now usually I'm ravenous after the gym, but today I didn't get hungry til 3 (hence the larabar). I did have some haupia before taking Grace to school, so maybe that was it. Had some tuna fish, and then had dinner. Enjoyed a chicken breast stuffed with asparagus and chopped ham steak. The only thing that would make this dish any better is a cream sauce.

After dinner I heard the evil sugar monster calling my name. I tried to resist, but couldn't. My brain justified that I had hardly eaten anything all day and was sitting at very, very low carbs. I found this recipe:
http://lifeasadreger.wordpress.com/2010/10/18/paleo-coconut-blueberry-bark/

It looked perfect. Chocolate + fat + sugar free. How could I miss? So I made it! Only I took a few liberties and added cacao butter to it (really, if you're gonna put cocoa powder in, you might as well go full monty, right?), and used blackberries instead of blueberries. To my surprise, the frozen blackberries turned into fruity whopper candies. *dance of joy, even though I've always sort of hated whoppers*. The whole recipe made me 4 big servings, and I am totally content now. Can't wait to have a little more tomorrow.

Off to bed!

TODAY'S NUTRITION:
821 cals (you see how I justified dessert, now, right?), 67 protein, 53 fat, 26 carbs, 473 sodium
(56.25% fat, 12.26% carbs, 31.49% protein)

WHAT I ACCOMPLISHED TODAY:
2 loads of laundry-- \o/ YAY!
Sprints at gym
still have yet to use butter. Just barely ran out of ghee. Butter sounds tasty, but... meh.

Bacon 30, Day 3

I went to gym last night, hoping it would help my fasting blood sugar this morning.

To my delight, my fasting sugar this morning was 113-- the lowest it's ever been off of drugs.

Note to self: spend more time at gym!

Took Grace to doctor this morning. She has been running a fever in the evenings and sprouting target/chainlink shaped rashes before bed. I was worried it was something terrible like lyme disease or cellulitis. Doc said it's viral, and everything else looked good. So relieved. Funny how we always assume the worst, yeah?

TODAY'S NUTRITION:
1237 cals, 90 protein, 88 fat, 26 carbs, 1075 sodium
(63% fat, 8% carb, 29% protein)

I keep having dreams that I do terrible things, like eat an entire bag of M&Ms, lol.

Bacon 30, Day 2

I feel like I have lock jaw. My mouth is pretty tender and I can barely get my hole open to feed myself. That said, I didn't even make it all the way through my protein custard last night. I finished it for breakfast this morning, then went grocery shopping. Made myself a BAS when I got home, with bacon, shrimp, avocado, baby lettuce, EVOO, apple cider vinegar, key lime juice, and lemon pepper. Worked through it slowly, but it was tasty.
Not sure if I'll have dinner tonight.

Pulled my yogurt out of the crock pot. It's separated into 3 layers. I'm not sure what that means. I put it in the fridge as recommended and ran one through a nut milk bag (trying to make Greek yogurt). At this point, I think I just have kefir, if that.
If you have experience making yogurt, can you tell me what is up? It's a white layer (coconut milk), beige liquidy layer, and another thin white layer.

TODAY'S NUTRITIONAL INFO:
2,022 cals, 101g protein, 165g fat (the bulk from coconut milk & avocado), 52g carb, 2033 sodium
(71% fat, 10% carbs, 19% protein)

Bacon 30, Day 1

Rabbit rabbit, everyone! That's my way of saying good luck on all your endeavours this month.
I'm off to a good start, nutritionally today. Although I'm very unhappy with my fasting sugar. My last meal was noon yesterday (a homemade Italian soda made with sparkling water, heavy cream, and some sugar free Torani raspberry syrup) and corned beef. VERY low carb. Fasting sugar this morning: 150.
WTH?!
*insert frustrated cursing here*

Anyway, moving on. I am doing all I can to help my body achieve low blood sugars, but it's fighting me worse than my weight.

Dear Body, WTF is your problem? I feed you good. We go for walks. We get plenty of sleep and take nice vitamins. Why can't you get it together?!

So after the drama of high blood sugar this morning and a weight gain (blah, I hate you, Body), I had some breakfast before going to dentist. I scrambled some eggs with leftover corned beef, and had an avocado. Mmmm.
Off to dentist to get numbed up (I'm so sick of being numbed up every time I go), and get cavities filled.
When I got home, I made myself my dinner-- protein pudding using coconut milk, eggs, gelatin, nutmeg, cinnamon, vanilla, and allspice.
And I also buffed up my courage and started making my very own homemade coconut milk yogurt. (Shut up. I'm putting it into my allowable pudding categories, okay?)
One bottle will be yogurt, the other will be Greek style yogurt. They should be ready to go at this time tomorrow. I hope they do okay. I wrapped the bottles in clean spit up rags and placed them in my crock pot on keep warm, and covered the crock pot with an old towel.
If all goes well, I will be having some yummy yogurt for breakfast one morning.
Will update you tomorrow with results!

TODAY'S NUTRITIONAL INFO:
1325 cals, 64g protein, 111g fat (the bulk of it is from coconut milk), 33g carb, 1725 sodium
(72% fat, 9.6% carb, 18.4% protein)

Biting The Bullet

I've been avoiding it, but it really is time. I need Whole 30 like an alcoholic needs AA. August 1st, I will be doing a modified Whole 30. I know, we discussed this before "what's the point of doing whole 30 if you modify it?". I'm not modifying it that much. I'm calling it Bacon 30 (cuz I'm allowing bacon). I will post a list below of what I am allowing for myself and what I am not. Really, it's all about being totally honest with one's self anyway, and cracking down on compliance.

What I'm NOT Allowing During Bacon 30

• Dairy-- dairy has been sneaking back into my diet, primarily in the form of heavy cream. Man that stuff is tasty!
• Grains (no brainer)
• Soy
• Legumes
• SUGAR-- this is my biggest baddie. I will be working extra hard to keep extracurricular sugars out of my system. No baking (will try to funnel creative urges into writing), no sugar coated treats. I will only consume sugars naturally occurring in food, such as fruit, vegetables, and meat
• No nightshades (including potatoes, eggplant, bell peppers, paprika, and tomatoes).
• NO POST BACON 30 BINGING!

What IS Allowed During Bacon 30

• BACON! (Honestly, I don't understand why Whole 30 excludes bacon. I know it's b/c it's cured with sugar, but W30 is really hard without bacon. Bacon is delicious. Especially the chemical-free kind)
• Butter
  "Wait. I thought you said no dairy?"
  I know, I know. I'm going to allow a little butter, okay? Ghee is great and all, but butter is freaking delicious... and I'm not gonna sit there and eat a whole block. I'll use it sparingly to cook and put some on my veggies.
• Pudding
  *Panic mode* "YOU SAID NO SUGAR! YOU SAID NO BAKING!"
  Take a deep breath. I've been making haupia lately. I think it's a great way to get in a serving of coconut. Also baked custard (made with coconut milk) makes a terrific hot breakfast.
  *grumble* "That doesn't make it okay. You're totally not doing Whole 30."
  Never said I was. This is BACON 30. This is my way of cracking down. You know what? There doesn't need to be extra sugar added to coconut based stuff. Coconut is sweet on its own. *King Julien Voice* So shut up, okay?
• Measuring myself (Whole 30 doesn't let you weigh or measure yourself, but I would like to know that I'm making progress. I will weigh myself on the days I go to the gym so that I can accurately set my HRM. I also have a diabetes check up mid-August)

What I Expect to Gain From This

• Better compliance
• Lower fasting blood sugar
• Defeat the evil sugar monster that, when triggered, launches me into violent hormonal-based binges
• Lose weight (cuz, face it, that's all everybody REALLY wants, right?)

GOALS IN ADDITION TO BACON 30

• Go to gym at least twice a week-- this will be easier once Grace officially starts preschool on August 23
• Do sprints once a week
• Do better about housekeeping (I expect that cutting out sugar will help my hormones and improve my overall mood, thus improving hygiene habits)
• Lose weight (see above)

August Bacon 30, here I come! And, dear friends, I hope you will take up your courage and join me.

Things No One Tells You About Parenting

Today I dropped Grace off at preschool for day camp. It's the longest we've been apart without someone I know personally watching her. I've been gone overnight before, with her staying home with daddy, but this is different. This is one of those things nobody warns you about parenting.
No matter how rough, tough, or bad ass you think you are, there's going to be tears when you drop your kid off at school for the first time and drive away. You say "Pshaw. Not me." Yeah, I did to. Heck, I'm the mom who danced around with glee the first time I left Grace in nursury at church, and told them not to bring her to me unless she was bleeding or poopy. But you know what? That first day of school...YOU'RE GONNA CRY! Trust me on this one.
The way her preschool does things is both a blessing and a curse. You pull up to the door, and the teacher RIPS your kid out of their carseat, throws them into the school, and ushers you away. Okay, maybe I'm being overdramatic, but the point is-- I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO KISS GRACE GOODBYE!
I am sure I will adjust, and be thankful that I don't have to get out of my car in the winter, but it was still emotional.
It's been 3 hours, and the school still hasn't called, so at least I know Grace hasn't burned the facility down yet. I also drilled her for a few minutes about who we tell if we need to potty. Praying for no accidents, no running around naked cuz she can't get her pants up (even though I told the teacher at the door that Grace needs a little help).
And just to show you what an overthinker I am: I spent the weekend freaking out over her lunch. Started looking at bento boxes. Afraid she'd get teased no matter what I packed her. Then I realized I only had to worry about her taking lunch to camp today & Thursday, cuz she'll be home for lunch during the year. Still afraid she'll get teased for not having gogurt, bread, cookies... you get the idea, right? All the standard sugary garbage fare many parents send with their kid to school.
Now you're probably wondering "Well, what did you send?"
Bologna, cheese, carrots, juice box, and some raisins.
"I thought you said you didn't send sugary garbage--"
Shut up! I was panicking, OKAY?

So I ABANDON my kid at school with not entirely strangers (we go every Wednesday for reading time), and drive away, sniffling and wiping away the tears I thought I was too tough for, like a total loser. Guess what. I went to the gym for the first time, probably since Memorial Day week. It felt a little lonely not to have Grace's soft little hand in mine as I walked in, but I started relaxing quickly as I realized there was no pausing to take her potty, check her in at the day care there, and worry about her, or how much time I was spending. After the gym, I got some groceries at Target, and got even more relaxed. I realize more & more this really is the day of freedom I've been wistfully daydreaming about since the first week of Grace's life. I got to look at the mommy toys (kitchen gadgets) without Grace whining about going to the toy section. I just walked around aimlessly without being kicked by swinging little feet, or constantly being asked "Mommy, what's your name? Name Trish? TRIIIISH!"
Came home, had lunch, logged my exercise, watered the plants, and now counting the minutes until I pick up my worn out little monkey who will be going straight down for a nap since it's past her nap time. That's right, sucka. Another hour & a half to myself!
Maybe this preschool thing isn't such a bad thing afterall.
One of the many things nobody tells you about parenting ;)

Falling Off The Wagon

So I admit I've fallen off the wagon this week. Not all the way, but enough where I'm dragging from the buckboards. It started Tuesday. This month's Relief Society activity at church was international food night. I brought low carb haupia (recipe below).


1 13.5 oz cold can coconut milk (I used Native Forest, be sure to shake well before opening)
3 packets unflavored gelatin
stevia to taste (use a little more than you think you will need, cuz the sweetness dies down a bit as the haupia sets later)
vanilla
(I used liquid vanilla cream stevia-- kill 2 birds with one stone)

Pour 1/2 cup coconut milk into small bowl & combine well with gelatin. It will be doughy. Allow to rest.
In small saucepan, warm remainder of coconut milk. Add gelatin mixture and stir constantly over low heat for 5 mins.
Pour into dish of your choice. Place in fridge 2 hours or until set.

This was my own brain child. Haupia is traditionally made with coconut milk, water, cornstarch, and lots of sugar. I've made it with arrowroot before, but it wasn't until I became friends with gelatin that I realized I could cut the dessert down to virtually 0 carb per serving.

So I bring my haupia and everyone seems to be asking for the recipe. I threw Primal out the window and caved to the wonders of a close friend's Irish soda bread with caraway and currant. It was like dessert. So good! Also someone brought authentic lamingtons. I had never had lamingtons before and HAD to have one. After my third lamington, the gals at my table started asking if I was okay. My eyes had glazed over. "Yeah, I'm great" --dashes off for FOURTH lamington--
In my defense, I did have some meat. I know. Weak defense :P

So that's where my trouble started.

When I woke up on Wednesday, I felt the effect of the sugar & gluten rush. I felt those nasty manic depressive emotions/hormones coming on. Luckily, playgroup was in a few hours, and I knew it would be good for me to be around other people. At 9:55 I decided I wanted to take food with me, so I paused to make myself a BAS (big @$$ salad). This was probably my best food choice this week. I hardboiled some eggs, griddled up some bacon, opened 2 cans of tuna, dumped in an entire bag of baby greens, and threw down some EVOO & lemon juice. I stopped to get an avocado on the way to the park. BTW, I'm becoming a total avocado junkie. Let me tell you that salad was AWESOME! It was like 1600 calories, lol.
You'd think that would be enough food to hold me over til dinner, right? Wrong. More bad food choices. I knocked out half a kind bar, some apple chips I bought Grace, and they set out otis spunkmeyer cookies at her preschool after reading time. No one's twisting my arm to eat these-- SO WHY CAN'T I RESIST?!

So there I am sitting at 2,000 cals, and it's only 3pm. Great. Hubby wanted to go out to dinner. I start to panic. He wants to go to Cocolitos which I love, but I don't really want to add to my calorie count, even though I'm hungry (shock and horror-- WHAT!), and I'm afraid of all the deep fried delicious stuffed tortilla glory. I get there and I've already told hubby how I feel. He encourages me to get a carnitas platter. It worked out. I ate a couple strips of steak and gave all the refried garbage to him. He got a solid sized lunch to take to work, and I felt a little calmer.

Thursday I woke up feeling alright, and guess what! I went for a 5 mile walk. The Chocolate (my favorite dessert place prior to going Primal. Their red velvet is heavenly!) started making handmade Italian sodas, and they had sugar free flavors. I figured one couldn't hurt. It was a nice day. I stopped by Target on the way for a grilled chicken salad. I treated Grace to a gluten free turtle tart, and got myself a sugar free cherry Italian soda. It was alright, but I figured I could just as easily make myself one at home.
When I get home, we veg, and I start on dinner, Hasta La Vista Pasta Lasagna. Andy really likes it cuz it uses one of his favorite vegetables-- zucchini. Had a healthy serving.

Friday I went for a key lime protein drink. I made key lime protein pudding on Monday & thought it would make a great drink. Meh, not so much. I couldn't figure out if I was hungry or queasy. I hate that feeling! However it was filling and got me to lunch (leftovers). Napped. Woke up and didn't really feel like cooking, even though bacon wrapped scallops are one of my favorite delicacies. Andy said "Let's go to Subway". I wasn't terribly hungry, but I got a salad, and was fine the rest of the night.
Highlite of the day: finding cream top organic cream for 40% off at Real Foods. What girl can resist a 40% off sale? I got two, vowing to make Andy some epic ice cream. I also picked up some yummy raw milk. Grace slugged it down eagerly. I also had to wrestle the cream away from her when I gave her a sip at home.

Today: I made myself an epic omelette. Couldn't finish all of it. Was going to have some avocado & tuna for lunch, but was avocado-less. All week I've been trying to score avocados at Sunflower Market. They've been on sale 2/$1. I kept going earlier and earlier. The first day they went on sale there were 0 to be had. The next day I tried, I went around 4. They were scant & picked over. Today I hit up the market around 9 or 10. They had plenty but none were ripe. There went my lunch. I bought 8 anyway (the limit), and figured I could set them out on the counter to ripen for a later date. Also got groceries for the week. Stocked up on frozen veggies mostly. Also go some sugar free syrup for Italian soda & ice cream.

Got home & the la nouba marshmallows I had Andy order had arrived. They weren't supposed to be here until the 27th, but there they were. 6 bags of carefree, sugar free, 0 carb marshmallows. I've been craving marshmallows something fierce since May! These hit the spot. I opened a pack just for Andy, grabbed the organic cream, some gelatin, almonds, and sugar free chocolate syrup. I was going to make Andy some rocky road ice cream! (recipe below)
Since I had no avocados, I just went for a homemade Italian soda which was mainly HWC, perrier, and sugar free raspberry syrup. It was good, and it filled me up until dinner (stuffed peppers).

and now my epic cooking genius brings you 0 carb rocky road ice cream!
All of the rocky road joy, without the fork in the road guilt (and resulting sugar spike)

2c cream top heavy cream (or double cream)
1 packet unflavored gelatin
1 package la nouba sugar free-0 carb marshmallows
1/2c slivered almonds
1.5c torani sugar free chocolate syrup (or to taste. Add 1/2c at a time until satisfied)
pinch sea salt

Combine gelatin, 1/2c cold cream, and sugar free chocolate syrup in a medium saucepan. Stir and then allow to rest 1 min. Stir constantly over low heat until gelatin is completely dissolved, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat.

Transfer mixture to a large bowl. Chill in freezer until the consistency of unbeaten egg whites, about 1 hour; stir occasionally.

Meanwhile, pour remaining heavy cream into bowl and whip until fluffy. Remove gelatin mix from freezer and fold whipped cream into gelatin mixture. Add sea salt, fold gently. Begin processing in ice cream maker per manufacturer's instructions

when ice cream starts to come together, break up marshmallows into small pieces and add to ice cream mixture and allow to mix. Add almonds. Finish processing.

ENJOY!

NUTRITION:
serving size - 1/2c
229 cals, 0 carb, 25 fat, 1 protein, 53 sodium

GOALS FOR THE WEEK:

• Clean the f-bomb house. Unfortunately, my housekeeping reflects my emotions. When I'm happy, the house tends to be tidier (this hasn't happened since October). When I'm moody & depressed, the house is a mess. This week it's been completely trashed.
• Go to gym at least once
• Make better food choices by resisting sugar cravings

Progress Report

Last week I made some goals to help prevent me from launching into bad behavior and subsequent manic depression:

1) allow bacon
2) pancakes once a month, if I feel so inclined
3) homemade ice cream once a month (last week I made 4 quarts. BAD IDEA)
4) no baking (except when I go visiting teaching. They will reap the goods, Andy & Grace will get any sparse leftovers)
5) 1 square of dark chocolate per week
6) limit fruit to 1/2c a week (I have a serious berry addiction. It's ridiculous, and not helping my blood sugar I'm sure)

Here's how I've done:
1) I've enjoyed bacon
2) No desire for pancakes yet
3) We had some strawberries going bad in the fridge, so I broke down and made some strawberry ice cream. Andy doesn't like it, but Grace does.
4) We had bananas going bad so I broke down & baked banana bread. I've only had 2 pieces out of the 12 piece batch, and they didn't hold too much sway over me. Yay!
5) Going through spurts throughout every day where I crave chocolate, but by the time I'm able to reach for it, the craving is gone.
7) Grace's strawberries that she's been taking care of on our back porch garden are starting to come in. She had the first ripe one, I had the 2nd ripe one today. Oh and I made raspberry lemonade from scratch last night using lemon juice, splenda (we ran out of stevia), and frozen raspberries. It's way good!

So how am I doing?

Getting Caught Up

The last few weeks we've been getting caught up on our dental work as a family. Last week I got super deep cleaning done under my gums on my right side, and today I got my left side done. They numb you up to the point where you're easily mistaken for a stroke victim, and I couldn't really eat the rest of the day. Knowing this, I was prepared for my left side today! Over the weekend, I wondered if key lime juice + coconut milk + a little sweetener would taste like key lime pie. Then I had the brilliant idea to make a protein pudding of it. It worked like a charm. I had food I could easily gum and swallow post-dental.

KEY LIME PROTEIN PUDDING
2 packets knox unflavored gelatine (abt 2T)
1/2c cold water
1 13.5 oz can coconut milk (I used Native Forest-- ty to my PB friends for turning me on to it and foresaking Thai Kitchen! MAKE SURE TO SHAKE THOROUGHLY BEFORE OPENING)
1/2c key lime juice
2 scoops unflavored whey protein powder
your favorite sweetener to taste

In sauce pan, pour 1/2c cold water & the gelatine. Give it a stir so it's not all clumped together, then let it settle for 1 min. Over low heat, stir for at least 5 mins. The water should turn very nearly clear as the gelatine is dissolved. Remove from heat, allow to cool 5 mins.
In separate bowl, pour coconut milk & key lime juice, add the protein powder. With a mixer (I used a stick blender, very effective), blend until protein powder is completely dissolved. Taste, and begin to add sweetener until it meets your taste bud's satisfaction.
Slowly, drizzle the gelatin/water into your key lime base, stirring on low 30 seconds. Place in fridge. Allow to set 2 hours.

Nutritional information (for mine):
900 cals, 81g fat, 14g carb (100% from the coconut milk), 47g protein, 7g sugar, 72g saturated fat, 50mg sodium, 90 mg cholesterol, 770 mg potassium

Of course, if you divide this into portions, it'll be much lower

Also, if you switch out the coconut milk for HWC, you drop to 0 carb, but the calories go up astronomically, and you'll miss out on that terrific lauric acid from coconut milk.

I think I will try it as a smoothie in a few days. It was very refreshing for the hot weather we've been having.

While I was getting my left side done, Grace got her very first dentist check up. She was super cooperative from what I could hear. I was getting drugged up when they brought her back to the stall next to mine. That's when the trouble started. I have this ginormous syringe in my cheek and suddenly I hear "Hi, I'm Grace!"
My eyes water, I dare not move though I desperately want to burst into laughter like a knee jerk reflex. "I have toes! I'm THREE!"
Even my hygienist was giggling.

God bless my wicked awesome, hilarious kid.

Grace-isms

Ever since my "episode" on Monday, Grace has been very lovey. If I go out of her sight, she starts calling: "Mommy, where are yooouuu?"
Usually I'm using the toilet.
In addition to the mommy stalking and extra snuggles (which I haven't minded at all, she's not normally a cuddly person), I also wanted to share some "Grace-isms" or things she's said over the last few days.

"Mommy, I got a drink. It's very drinky."
As we're putting her to bed, she tells us very frankly, "I'm cranky." (lol, y'think?)
Tonight at dinner after accidentally dropping her sippy cup: "My bottle is very downy."
Often when I've asked her to do something she doesn't want to, she tells me in an angry voice "I no do it. I HAPPY!". This is complete with crossed arms and pouty face on her part.
"IT'S NOT FAIR!" (Whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't think this business was supposed to start for another decade. 3 days out from turning 3. REALLY?!)
Andy helping her with prayer before bed:
Andy: "Dear Heavenly Father,"
Grace: "Dear Thomas"
Andy: "Thank you for this day."
Grace: "Thank you for Thomas."
Andy: "Please bless me"
Grace: "Please bless Thomas"

obviously she watches too much Thomas the Tank Engine, LOL.

Love you, sugar bean.

The Game Plan

Okay, sorry for yesterday's rant. Andy & I talked about how I felt when we went to bed. He's going to help me crack down on my diet, and we have some rules in place.

First of all, trigger foods are now out of the house. So that will help. Whole 30 is too strict, but I still want to crack down on my diet. We laid out some goals. Maybe I should call it Primal 30, even though I want it to last longer than that.

1) bacon allowed
2) pancakes once a month, if I feel so inclined
3) homemade ice cream once a month (last week I made 4 quarts. BAD IDEA)
4) no baking (except when I go visiting teaching. They will reap the goods, Andy & Grace will get any sparse leftovers)
5) 1 square of dark chocolate per week
6) limit fruit to 1/2c a week (I have a serious berry addiction. It's ridiculous, and not helping my blood sugar I'm sure)

I think my episode yesterday was triggered by crappy food. I asked him to help keep me in line. We're going to start grocery shopping together again so I don't splurge on unnecessary stuff.

Sorry if I scared any of my friends. I'm pretty sure I had manic bipolar depression as a teenager, but was never officially diagnosed or treated.

On another note, Andy suggested that Satan is trying to drive us away from our goals. If he's trying this hard, our future kids must be wicked bad ass kung fu warriors of awesomeness, and he REALLY doesn't want to have to deal with them. Something to think about.

Also wanted to reiterate how awesome my sweet little Grace is. Last night when I just wanted to be left alone, Andy came into the room and of course Grace followed right behind since she's a total daddy minion. One thing you should understand about the daddy minion is she's a "Monkey see, monkey do". So there I was feeling pretty numb and glumb and Andy sits on the edge of the bed. Grace pulls herself up and sits near me. Andy starts rubbing my leg, Grace rubs mommy's leg too. Andy hugs, Grace hugs. "Mommy sad?"
By this time tears are starting to stream down my cheeks as I look into Grace's beautiful little face. I nod.
"Awww," says Grace sympathetically, then touches the tip of my nose. "Moo."
Thanks, sunshine.